Bringing You Closer To Me

Chapter 13

“Demi..I want to be here, I do. But I just don’t know. How do I know you’re not going to turn around and say you want me out again?”

“I promise that won’t happen.” She said.

“How can you promise that though?”

“I guess I can’t but you have to believe me, I really want you back here Nicole. I need to know you’re safe at night and that you’ve got a roof over your head and food in your stomach. I need you here Nicole.” She sounds like she’s pleading with me now.

“I don’t know Demi.” I said attempting to dismiss the topic. I’m staying here tonight, what more can she want from me right now?

“Okay, I’ll give you a lift to school in the morning if you want?” Demi said changing the topic slightly.

“Cool, thanks. So, Jennel, how’s work going?”

“Yeah, it’s good. I’m really busy at the moment. A lot of elderly people are coming in sick because of flu and there are lots of road accidents happening at the moment. It all seems to be down to the weather.” She said. Jennel works in a hospital, accident and emergency at the moment.

“That’s good.” Jennel switched on the TV and we watched X Factor auditions. I love this show, at least the auditions more than the live shows. They’re just more funny and there’s more happening in them. Demi and Jennel were cuddling on the sofa, I sat at the opposite end away from them.

“I’d love to be on this show one day.” Demi said.

“You should go for it baby.” Jennel replied. Demi shook her head at Jennel’s comment, we carried on watching. By the end of the show I was more than ready for bed.

“Um, is it alright if I go to bed now?” I asked quietly.

“Of course Nic.” Demi replied. “Remember where it is?” she asked, I laughed slightly.

“Yeah. Okay, well thanks for tonight. Um, I’ll see you in the morning.”

“Night Nicole.” They said together as they cuddled further into each other. Grabbing my bag, I walked up the stairs and into my room, being extremely quiet walking past Josh’s room. They've cleaned it, everything is back in its normal place.

I dumped my bag on the bed and walked into the bathroom. I checked the cupboards. Yep, it’s still here. My rag. The one I use when I cut. If that’s still here then maybe my other blades are. I went through the bag of makeup and found them. I locked the door and sat on the toilet lid, fiddling with the new blades between my fingers. They’re so sharp and shiny. I haven’t cut in a few days and that’s a very long time for me right now. I don’t want to break that, but it’s so tempting.

I started to think about Demi. Maybe I should just forgive her and move back here. After all I can leave again if I don’t like it. I’m not staying with Sophie anymore. No way in hell. I want to be here with Demi, because it means I’ll be with Josh again. But what if after a few weeks she wants me out again?

Can I live here and not have a proper relationship with her? No I don’t think I can.

I suddenly snapped out of my thoughts as metal hit the floor. I dropped the blade, but it was too late. Without being aware of it I had cut. The blood was running slowly down my arm. I grabbed my rag and cleared p some of the blood. I put pressure on the cuts to make them stop bleeding quicker.

“Nicole, you okay?” Demi’s voice rang out through the door.

“Yeah, why?”

“It’s just you’ve been up here for an hour, your bag is still packed and you wern’t in bed. I’m just checking you were okay because you’re light was still on.”

“Oh, yeah. I’m fine.” I lied.

“Can you come out here for a sec then?” she asked. Ah crap. The bleeding still hasn’t stopped. I pulled down my sleeve of my hoodie and opened the door.

“What’s up?” I asked cheerily.

“You sure you’re okay?”

“Of course I am.”

“Okay, well I was wondering what time you wanted to get up tomorrow and if you’d like to take Josh to school.”

“Um, I’ll get up about half six and yeah if that’s okay.” I replied.

“That’s fine. I’ll see you in the morning then.” Demi said looking at me and turning to leave. Thank god. She got to the door of my room before turning. “Are you sure you’re alright?” she asked again. Just drop it Demi.

“Of course, why do you keep asking?”

“It’s just I thought I saw blood on your hands, and now I can see it on your jumper. Nicole... have you cut?” she asked forwardly.

“Erm, I.” I sigh, unable to get any form of an answer out my mouth.

“Why Nicole?” she asked, shutting the door and moving further into the room. I sat down on the bed.

“I don’t know Demi. I really don’t.” I said truthfully. She nodded sitting next to me.

“Can I check them?” I nodded and she pulled up my jumper sleeve. She gasped at the sight of my arm. It’s not pretty. My arm’s laced with scars and cuts waiting to form scars. There isn’t much clean skin anymore. “It wasn’t like this before was it?” she asked standing up and entering the bathroom. She brought out my rag and a damp cloth.

“N-no.” I croaked out. I’m trying hard to not cry right now. The look of disappointment, shock and worry on Demi’s face is heartbreaking and the fact I’ve caused this. I think I’ve decided I can’t stay here.

She wiped away the blood and applied pressure. It eventually stopped bleeding and she fetched the first aid kit from downstairs. Jennel must be asleep or I'm sure Demi would have fetched her to do this, after all it is kinda her job. She dressed my cuts and told me to get changed. I did as she said, suddenly feeling really tiered.

“Going to be okay on your own, or do you want to sleep with me tonight?” she asked when I returned from the bathroom.

“I’ll be okay. Thank you Demi.”

“No problem, one last thing. Hand over your blades.” I didn’t even bother to argue. I fished them out of my bag and gave them to her, she already had the ones in my bathroom. “Thank you Nicole, any problems just come into our room or shout. Sleep well.” She said hugging me quickly and leaving the room. I slid into the bed and closed my eyes.  Finally, sleep.

 

About half way through the night I was woken by my bedroom door opening. I felt the bed go down slightly as someone climbed in next to me. I opened my eyes and saw Josh snuggling up next to me. 

"I love you Joshy."

"I love you more NicNic. Don't leave again. Please." he said sleepily.

"I won't. Go to sleep you've got school in the morning." I said quietly kissing the top of his head and wrapping my arms around his body pulling him intowards me. I've missed this.