Living in Sin (On Hold)

Thirty Eight _ Cracks

“Just get to the point, Steve. Might as well cry while you’re at it.” No, I did not mean to say that. I didn’t. I just wanted to show him that I don’t care what he thinks about me: something I don’t believe myself.

“All that was because I thought you lost yourself when you lost Marilyn. Was I wrong!” What is he saying? “You were found. … …  This is YOU.”

“Just because I made a move on a girl, you come barking at me …”

“Nicole, … … she’s …”

“NOT … my sister!” I shouted out of inexplicable rage while the guy stared at me in disbelief. But I was surprised (shit, I was shocked) when he let out this cold smile I’d just made for Derek minutes ago. Only, he most probably didn’t feel the dread I’d got.

“And here I was thinking I understood you better than anyone.” He croaked, and for the first time broke the gaze. “But I never really knew you, did I?”

“Umm, Nik?” I began trying to steady my heart, which was beating so out of control, was getting so heavy. “Coach wants to see you. And he … … uhh said right nowbut you know what? I’ll tell him …”

“No, you don’t have to.” Steve at last wiped the mess off his face and said to the messenger. Then his eyes came to rest on mine. “We are done.”

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…………………………

Rina

“Please, Elizabeth. I need … please let me be.”

Finally, Liz stopped cornering me with questions. Questions I didn’t want the answer to.

I’d thought she was giving me a chance to help her: so I could save my own soul, which was so damaged when someone I needed abandoned me: when I abandoned someone that needed me.

But I was just a girl to her: someone whose bed was downstairs from hers.

I was … easy.

“Maybe we should …”

“When Mom left,” I seemed to have surprised her by that. Didn’t look at her, though. “I thought I was done for, you know.”

“Oh, Rea.” Her hand came to rest on mine but I didn’t look up.

“I then found out I could live with it. With the fact that I’m just a worthless piece of shit no one really cares ab… .”

The car crash-stopped and while the seat belt I didn’t even remember I’d put on tore into me, I kept waiting for us to get rammed into from behind. What really happened, though, was … her hand slapping me?

I stared at her in disbelief, not of how she even managed it from an impossible angle, but of the fact that she actually did that to me. And funny thing was, she glared back looking like I was the one that hit her.

“I don’t really care if you’re feeling like you could kill me right now.”

I wasn’t, actually. Those tears on my cheeks were the proof of that. Shakily I turned away, making to get out of the car but she stopped my hands fumbling with the buckle of the belt.

“Look at me. I said look at me.” I didn’t and she gave up. “Your stupid f*ck of a sister knows nothing of what she’s doing and you’re saying that’s your fault? Listen to me, Rina.  Hey, look at me. This’d better be the last time I heard that kind of bullshit.”

I found myself panting hard, swallowing back the sobs.

“Your mother left you,” I jerked around to face her, and waited. “Because she’s the real worthless piece of shit. You think she’s happy right now?”

I pray. I pray that she isn’t.

“And you think you world is destroyed just because Nicole doesn’t care? You’re so sure you don’t have anyone. What about Jennifer? What about Steve? What about me?”

That put me at a loss.

“What about me?!”

I needed to hug her. And it was just what I did.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I couldn’t …,”

“You don’t go around apologizing, stuttering everyday believing that shit you just said. Jesus, how many times have I told you?! When are you gonna get it?!” Pulling away, she declaimed.

I kept watching as she looked away for a second just to turn back again and show me that look in her eyes.

“If there’s anyone that deserves the best, it’s you, Rina. Don’t ever forget that.”

The look that helped me pretend that I actually do deserve it.

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Sorry it’s taking me longer and longer to update. It’s getting harder to find time. And I apologize for putting so many punches and slaps in the last chapter, in this one and the next,(but this is PG 13 you're reading. :P) and of course, for making another drag (I’d mentioned it?). But this is the last one and after this, everything’s set.

I tried to do this in one post but being me, I wrote longer than I expected. And there were a lot of POV changes so I half-ed it. It’d really be great if you could continue on to the next chapter, which is up.