connor
the boy follows
me everyday
and watches me
paint in blue.
i'm growing
to love the
colour.
today is monday april 17 2016
so we all meet 2:39 pm eastern time
with a psychiatrist.
i'm expected to
share my feelings.
for the first time,
i won't lie. "i'm fine.
really."
usually, i say i'm
recovering. really,
i'm getting worse.
but there's this
bubble in my
stomach. it
feels funny. i
think i felt this
as a kid for other
boys. but i hadn't
noticed then.
feelings weren't
as important.
i walked into the
psychiatrists office.
it is also beige.
dr. nilson sits
at her desk,
already smiling
brightly at me.
"hi connor! take
a seat." she
points to the
chair in front of
her that i sit in
every week.
"you look really
good. how has
this week been?"
i can't help
but smile.
"it was really
shitty, but then, i met this boy, troye, i met him."
dr. nilsen's
smile wavers.
"you feel ?how?
towards him?"
"i like" like "him."
and i do.
the way he
sits and
watches me
paint is so
interesting
an intriguing.
i want him to
be there
forever.
she sighs, "you
can't. youshouldn't
createrelationships
likethathere.
i'vesaidthisbefore.
youwillonly
remindeach
otherofyour
pain."
i wipe away a
loose tear,
"why would
you say that?"
"i need you
to make
progress."
"i am making
progress!"
my feelings
overflow.
"yes, you
are and i
don't want
to lose that
progress.
haven't you
lost enough?"
and she makes
it all
s h
u b
r a ck
i walk out
of the
appointment,
heart racing,
i don't look
where i'm
walking and
bump into
sav. she
still smiles
at me. "oh
hey connor.
how'd it go?"
i can barely
say anything,
my teeth
clenched shut.
"connor?"
from behind
her, i see
troye walk
into dr.
nilson's
office. i
want to yell
at him to
stop because
i know he'll
listen. sav annah
looks at me
curiously.
"are you ok?"
"i'm fine." fine fine fine fine fine
"no, really
connor, what's
wrong?"
"i'm fucking
fine savannah!"
i shout. the
room and halls
spin. i try to
focus on the
beige. focus.
"do you need
something?"
she asks, but
i'm u n d e r w a t e r.
YOU ARE READING
painter (tronnor ; completed)
Fanfictionhe had paint on his hands and for the first time in a long time troye wanted to touch someone //long way home // låpsley// *could be triggering for some people. mentions of abuse, anxiety, and depression. please be safe.*
