painter (tronnor ; completed)

track 5 - operator (he doesn't call me)

troye

the rehab wing is a completely different world. the feelings that have been heightened for so long, relax into each individual pore, with each individual bruise and cut on them. there are about ten others here, each so different. no one knows about

him.

not even jim, the main man in charge of us. he makes sure we don't try anything to kill ourselves here and each do our share in chores.

this group is the early twenties, quarter-life-crisis-gone-wrong. there's also a hall for teenagers and one for older adults that now have horrifying hallucinations.

i share a room with a man named phil, who hasn't talked to me yet. i asked jim why and he said phil hasn't talked to anyone since dan left. i'm sleeping in dan's old bed.

dan failed the program.

now, it's 1:20 pm and i'm sitting in the hall by the phone. i've decided to learn about everyone by observing them. it's sunday, most people call family or friends. i sit against the beige wall on the beige tile. everything is so dull here. i'm not comfortable in my position, but i haven't been for a while.

i have my journal to take notes on the people, i'm tragic at remembering names. plus, i love observing people. they're so interesting. so individual and irrational.

my journal is worn and torn. i got it when i was 17 and since then i've written everyday. you can trace my mental illness back to the beginning.

except, i can never decide where it starts. 17 or when i was happy with him.

each person takes their time at the phone. their emotions are heightened and dramatized. it's entertaining to watch, but sometimes heartbreaking.

this is what i have written from between 1 pm and 5 pm:

1:28 pm

1. i think her name is ashley

a very cute pixie cut and shoes

she calls a boy, he doesn't answer

she calls again

it goes to voicemail

she leaves a voice mail: "why don't you answer? i thought you loved me? can you not handle me? call me back please. i love you, peder."

she puts the phone back.

waits for it to ring.

it doesn't

she cries

she picks her head back up

she looks at subject 2

says: "call me halsey from now on"

(i want to be her friend)

1:40 pm

2. olly

seems to be ashley's (halsey's) friend. i know his name is olly because she says it repeatedly while she's in tears