painter (tronnor ; completed)

track 10 - silverlake

connor

troye started being
very nice to me.
which made it
very hard not to
like him or talk to
him. we were
friends.                    just, friends                                

i'm painting one
day. he comes
in like every
other day.

"i want you ...
to leave." i said.

"why?" troye's
voice cracks.

"we're getting
too close. dr.
nilsen would-"

"i don't give
a sh*t about
dr.nilsen. i
like spending
time with you."

"no. troye,
listen to me."
i didn't hear p
my voice raise u ^
or feel my fist
clench.

"connor calm the
f*ck down!" troye's
voice raises at me.

"don't tell me what
to do!" i yell.

"don't f*cking yell
at me!" troye shouts,
tears in his eyes.

"i'm sorry, what am
i supposed to do?"

"just stop!" r e d l i g h t
m i d n i g h t
"not as easy as it
sounds!"

"yes it is!"

"how? how!?"

"oh stop it connor.
nothing has ever
happened to you.
y u   o '     h v    a y
o   d n t    a e    n
i s e ."
s u s

"you're kidding
right?"

"no i-"

"you really wanna
know why i'm like this.
i'm b i p o l a r. manic.
i can't control myself.
my emotions change
at the slightest thing.
so i'm sorry. but i do
have 'issues'."

troye is quit looking •
away. tears spill over •
his eyes. •

"have you ever hit                                    
why does he ask this?
someone?" he asks,                    
what a strange question?
barely a whisper.                          
will he be affected by my answer?

"what?"

"have you... ev-ever
h-hit someone?"

"i...never a time i wanted
to. there were times
when people got to close
to me during an episode
and wouldn't get away.
i ... hit them."

"would you hit me?"

"god no."

"do i deserve to be hit?"

"no, no, no, never. ohmigod
troye."

"has anyone ever hit you?"

"no. has- has anyone ever
hi-hit you?"

and troye breaks into tears.

i do not know how to comfort someone without touching them,

but for the first time i
understand why he
doesn't want me to.

"you didn't give yourself
the bruises," i say, tears
rolling down my cheeks.
troye shakes his head.
he sobs, he shouts and
gags on his tears. i stay
half a room away,
watching him fall apart.                                                    drown

"what do you want me to do?"

"leave."

"what?"

"leave me alone."

"no."

"why?"

"you didn't leave.
so i won't leave
you."

troye sniffed, but
then he smiled.
"you're not him,
aren't you?"

"no. never."

troye walked up to
me. he did not
touch me. he
just stood,
looking in my
eyes.

it was the most
physical contact
i've ever had.