CAMBOY | PHAN AU

Something New

i'm not gonna apologise for this being late bc nobody gives two shits but can i just say, i love the hate on howell. it makes me laugh sm bc same.

--Phil POV--

''What?! Are you stalking me now too?'' I gritted my teeth as the bike's wheels sharply skidded on the cobble streets. Of course, Howell himself was following me up the road. Honestly, I was so sick of him by this point. Absolutely unbelievable, nothing else to say. He comes to my house to apologise but ends up insulting my entire being in one of the worst ways possible, he sends my friend over to write a list of reasons why I dislike him and then chases me up the street to attempt another apology.

Moving off the centre of the pavement, I moved my bike and leaned it against a wall before staring him down once more. Right in the pit of my stomach I could feel it and it was about to burst; it is this balloon that was sitting there and it hadn't moved for weeks. As time went by, I felt it fill up until it couldn't take anymore and now the band's about to snap. ''Want to know something funny, Howell? You seem to love a good joke, right? Hey, my entire life, being, soul and purpose is a joke to you so here's another one that will really make you chuckle. I am not here for you, funny right? I don't live for you or anyone, I'm here because I am a human-fucking-being.'' Wheeze. ''What do you want from me?! Is there something you want or need because if whatever it is takes, I don't know, this- I don't want to be a part of your life!'' Snap. ''I get it, okay? I'm nosy, I can''t handle feelings, I cry a lot and I took a job I'm crap at but y'know what? I don't care anymore. I am me and you are you and we... are never going to get along. Stay the hell away from me, you narcissistic, manipulative asshole.'' Pop.

Howell was silent and still empty looking, the same as that morning he fired me and the same as that afternoon at the photo shoot. The silence didn't last too long. ''I'm sorry, Phil.''

''Yes, I forgive you.'' I rolled my eyes, picking my bike back up.

''Seriously?'' Howell audibly gasped.

Getting on my bike, I huffed, ''No, I was being sarcastic for once.''

I started to ride at a steady pace and there he was jogging next to me, so I sped up but so did he. Howell was running beside me with this strange lopsided smile, that I couldn't quite understand. I didn't slow down, I just kept going until his face grew pink then sped up but so did he. Howell fully sprinted beside me, his face scrunched and changing from a shade of pink to red. Off came his blazer, tying it around his waist. He gripped his side, a stitch obviously forming.

Guilt eating at me, I slowed down and he huffed as he jogged, ''Th-thankyou. Please...st-stop.'' His head was thrown back, eyes shut and hands clenching his stomach. He had sprinted along almost 2 streets in full speed. I decided to just stop completely, getting off my bike once more. Howell was bent over with his hands on his thighs, panting madly. ''C-can we sit?'' I looked around but the only place was a small park a little further up that has benches for him to sit so I gestured for him to follow and he did, just very slowly. I walked beside him at the same speed, wheeling my bike along and inching my feet. Eventually we got to the park gates and I held it open for him, he seemed somewhat grateful.

The park was empty. I mean, empty. No people, no trees, no play stuff. It was just a square field of grass, little daises and sweet buttercups. ''There's no benches.'' I stated and Howell shrugged, moving further into the field, easing himself down to sit and rested on his hands. So I laid my bike down and sat opposite him, grass slightly damp. We were quiet but Howell seemed to be searching for words, it was strange seeing him like that. It was weird seeing him anyway other way than his cold, mean-spirited front. At that moment in time Howell was too human. He was nervous, tired and not a complete jerk.

''Thank you for waiting for me and sitting with me.'' Howell looked over at me and I just nodded then he continued, looking away again. ''I feel I have made some mistakes and I do not mean little trips. I mean complete fuck-ups. Believe it or not, I am not sorry for a single bit of it all but I do regret it. I regret snapping at you. I regret Graceffa. I regret snapping at Adrian. I regret hurting you. I regret pushing Chris aside but hey, the list goes on.'' Howell smiled to himself, laying his blazer on top of his knees. There was a silence and I sat uneasy, legs crossed as I watched Howell slowly recline to lay down onto the grass with his arms crossed behind his head. ''I want to try again...with you and I. Y-you're strangely important and strangely unique to me and-and I don't want to miss out on working with you. I regret treating you badly and not respecting you as a person but can we try and forget about me being an asshole? ...I enjoyed my time with you, okay? The car journey, singing muse. That night just skipping and chucking french poets at one another even though yours were all made up...I checked.'' He chuckled quietly. ''You trying to guess my name was funny too and that issue with Adrian was a strange one. Confidence boosting with my stripper-brother...Fuck...' Howell sat up again, pulling his knees up to rest his crossed arms on top. Nothing else was said for a solid 5 minutes, I just stared at my feet but when I happened to look up, Howell's face was pressed to his arms.

''Howell? You alright?'' I inched across closer to him, was he upset?

He turned his head to look at me, cheek on hand then let out a small whisper, ''Dan.''

''What?''

''Dan...that's my name. '' He suited Dan. He suited Dan, a lot. ''Now, let's start over, Number 9.''

---

Weeks went by without me even noticing, my flat was actually fully unpacked and I was seeing Chris regular again, hearing many stories about how lovable/cute/sweet/pretty PJ is. Unemployment was still a thing but Dan called me daily and there were so many things I started to learn about him most of them weren't important but they were still nice to know. When we'd talk it would always start with what he was doing, which was usually designing something or other but he said he only calls when he feels 'brain dead' because I apparently wake him up. The times he calls me are never a certain one. This one time he called me at 6am when he was in Starbucks because he felt lonely drinking coffee alone, he did wake me up but I didn't mind. Another time he called it was almost 12pm and he was still in his office working away.

Times had changed dramatically and everything that had happened up until now was disjointed.

Slowly and surely, the pieces started to find their way together like magnets sticking to one another perfectly. All the loose ends tied themselves tightly, knitting into knots. Everything was coming together at last and I don't know what to tell you about these months. There's nothing that I could possibly say to neaten it up. People are unpredictable, especially if their name is Dan Howell. Dan Howell is an unpredictable man who can make me hate the very air I breathe but make me want to enjoy every gasp all at the same time. It's complicated but god knows he loves complicated. No amount of words or fancy, extensive metaphors can tell you how I have been feeling but that's okay because from here forward things will slowly make sense and that I am sure.

Dan had invited me to a late birthday meal too, I felt bad for not getting him anything but he said he didn't want anything but me to show up so I did and I met the people he called his friends. Honestly, they were lovely. Especially this woman called Louise, she was a laughing mess but she was definitely someone you'd want to spend time with. PJ was there too, he was fairly quiet but he would occasionally join conversation. Dan didn't put that much attention to me that night but he did call me a new friend.

Most of my time seemed to be consumed with shopping if it wasn't Dan. I had paid off all my debts from the money I had earned modelling for that short time then spent the rest on myself. Shopping for my flat really but it still counts as for myself because my home has never felt so home. Cozy, comfy and mine. I started inviting more people over too (by people I mean Chris). Overall my days were more enjoyable. Breakfast on my balcony, day times either out around London or being semi-productive at home and night times out with Chris and PJ or at home sleeping.

One night when Dan called me like usual our conversation didn't happen, this conversation actually was for a reason. He wanted me back as his model again and he promised it would all be different.

So I said yes.

---

this is short bc im just wrapping up this section of camboy mkay.

feedback here pls, tank.