No, I Cannot Sleep Without My Teddy Bear

Chapter 32

Chapter 32

I woke up terrified. My heart was beating faster than I thought was possible and tears were streaming down my face. I walked out of my room but Brian and my parents weren’t home yet. I need someone. I started panting. I was beyond terrified.

I had no other option.

With shaky legs, I jumped out of my window and landed in Lucas’s dark room. He was in his bed, sleeping but when he heard the noise I made while coming in, he sat up in his bed.

“What do you want?” his voice was as cold as ice, making me flinch.

This was a bad idea. I shouldn’t have come to him. He made it clear that he doesn’t want to be my friend.

I didn’t reply. I couldn’t say anything and I couldn’t move.

He sighed in frustration and switched the light on.

When he looked at my face, his eyes widened in shock,

“W-what happened?” he asked. And that’s all it took for me to break down again. I didn’t care that I broke the promise I made to myself about not crying in front of anyone. I couldn’t hold the tears in after having that nightmare. It was different from the ones I usually get. It was worse and scarier.

I was now sitting on his bedroom floor, hugging my legs and sobbing. I didn’t care that I was barely wearing a pair of shorts and a small tank top. I didn’t care about anything. All I thought about was Marcus.

I wanted to run away. I didn’t care where I would go; I just wanted to run till I pass out. I wanted to forget everything right now.

I couldn’t move and Lucas was still standing there motionless with a blank expression on his face.

He didn’t care.

He didn’t want me there.

He didn’t want me to be his friend anymore.

These three simple thoughts finally sunk in and I ran. I didn’t jump back to my room because I don’t think I’ll make it. Instead I ran out of his room and out of his house. He didn’t even follow me or call my name. He didn’t know how much I still trusted him for crying in front of him. And I knew for sure that if he asked what happened one more time I would’ve told him everything. I would’ve told him about my biggest secret that no one, except for Ashley, knows about.

I ran in the darkness. I knew it was dangerous to be alone in the dark streets, barely wearing any clothes but right now I couldn’t care less.

Every once in a while I would get a nightmare about Marcus but Brian and my parents were always there for me when I did. But this time there was no one and plus it was the worst nightmare I have ever had. Was it really my fault?

Was I the reason why Marcus died?

Was it my fault because I didn’t check on him for thirty minutes?

Was it my fault because I didn’t hear him fall off his bike?

Maybe I knew all along that it was my fault.

I was responsible for his death.

I was babysitting him and I let him slip out of my hands.

I’m sorry Marcus. I’m so sorry Marcus.

I had no idea where I was. I was running to god knows where. My lungs were on fire and I knew that soon, my legs wouldn’t be able to hold me anymore and my lungs wouldn’t be able to carry anymore air.  I was going to pass out soon.