Paragon // z.m

35. "I'm leaving to Ireland."

It had been a week since the day of the launch, and she was in his office, finishing up a few important things that had been stressing him out further. He couldn't help but feel torn between taking care of his mother, and wanting to be present at his own company to keep up with everything. He wasn't used to counting on anyone. He had always been one to get things done himself, but she was there, and he decided that he couldn't do it without her.

The phone had been consistently ringing, but she had to focus on the reports in hand. So she ignored it, until she couldn't, prepared to request the halt of any further calls.

" But Robin, there's someone here for you. Harry is here, he says it's important." Niall spoke ever so kindly. A gasp went past her lips, as it all roamed within her. She had only now, allowed herself to feel how terribly she'd missed him.

" Let him in immediately and don't let anyone disturb us, please, Niall. Thank you." She stood, straightening her clothes, running a hand through the length of her hair, as if that would make a difference, as if that had ever mattered to him. A few seconds went by, then the door opened, and there he was. He wasn't smiling, not at first, but then he couldn't not smile, because she was standing there, looking healthier than he'd ever seen, and he couldn't help but think that he couldn't have done that for her.

" Hey," He put his hand in the air, waving weakly. But she approached him, walking a couple of determined steps, before he was in her arms, but she wasn't in his. He didn't hug back at first, taken aback by it all. But soon, his arms circled around her, and his head fell into her hair, and he felt at home.

" I missed you so much." She spoke, voice muffled by his chest.

" I missed you too." He sighed, holding her a bit tighter, before he forced himself to pull away.

" You look- great. You look great, Robin." He nodded, unable to look at her for too long.

" Really? Because I don't feel it. I feel like proper shit to be honest." She laughed slightly, but he joined her nevertheless, shaking his head to himself.

" Can't really help with that one unfortunately, because you know, I'm nursing a broken heart of my own." Their laughter faded away as they both fell into a serene silence. He had nothing to say to her. He couldn't even remember why he'd come at the first place.

" I'm... God, I'm so sorry, Harry. I don't deserve to have your heart broken over me. I don't deserve you."

" No, no, don't say that. It's alright. That's not why I'm here."

" Then why are you here?"

" I- I decided to sell the apartment, Robin. And your things.. they're everywhere. I would have packed them up for you, but I only tried to get into that apartment, once, and it didn't really work out. So, whenever you're ready, just take what you need, and leave what doesn't matter. I'm selling it all."

" Where have you been staying then? What are you planning to do? Harry, this was your apartment, even before I'd moved in, I don-"

" I got transferred, Robin. I'm leaving to Ireland in a week." She lost her balance, falling onto Zayn's desk for support. He was leaving the country. She was never going to see him again. Harry was not only fading away from their relationship, but from her whole life. The fearful realization brought her to tears, after she'd been able to keep it together for so long.

" Hey, why are you crying?" She felt his arms, taking her into an embrace where she'd found a home for herself for years. She didn't know how she'd managed to take it for granted. She didn't know how she was meant to live without it, without him.

" I'm so sorry, God, I drove you away. I didn't- I never w-wanted that. I just- fuck, everything is falling apart and I don- I can't- I don't want to lose you too, Harry. Please don't- don't go. Don't leave."

" Robin... God, why did all of this have to happen for you to say that? Why.. why couldn't you just love me? All I've ever wanted was for you to love me. All I've ever known was you, and now it's just- what am I supposed to do?"

" I couldn't. I couldn't do this to you any longer. I knew what it did to you, I knew you could feel me, distancing myself from you, shutting you out. I could feel that love we've both held in our hearts, fade away, turning us into something we're not. And I- I don't know. Maybe we were never meant to last. Maybe our love was that kind of love; that lasted for a while, until it didn't. I don't know, Harry. But there was love. There had always been so much love between us. And it's still there. I still love you, so fucking much, and to have done this to you, it- it tears me apart, Harry." She pulled away, taking his face into her hands. He was crying too, shaking his head in utter defeat.

" I need to go, Robin. I can't be here right now. Every corner, every street, you're just everywhere. And I need you not to be. I have to get away, even if not permanently, but this is just brutal."

" Do you promise to call me? When you're ready, when you can, just- call in, tell me how you're doing, tell me how Irish food is, just- tell me anything, really."

" I'll do my best."

" And you'll come back? Don't go away forever, Harry. I can't be, without you in my life, in some sort of way. We used to be best friends before all of this. My life had never been emptied of you. Don't make me lose you too, not like this." His eyes screwed shut, as if he was enduring a physical pain, that he couldn't quite handle. He then slowly nodded, letting her know that someday, he'd come back.

" Look at us, we're such a mess." She laughed weakly, wiping at his eyes, to get rid of his tears, along with all signs of what she'd brought upon him. He couldn't help but laugh along, attempting to pull himself together.

" It's like... all of this had triggered something inside me. I can suddenly feel, so much, that I used to fear feeling. I didn't think I'd ever be able to handle this but I- I think I'm handling it. It's so weird."

" It hurts though, doesn't it?"

" More than anything ever had. But it's okay. Or at least, I think it's going to be someday." She nodded, turning to sit on a chair, feeling absolutely drained by the previous encounter.

" His mum is dying." She didn't know why she'd said that, she didn't know if he'd care. She just needed to let it out, and there was never anyone she'd rather talk to, than Harry.

" I know. Louis told me." Again, she simply nodded, not knowing what else to say.

" How is he holding up?"

" He isn't."

" And you?" She brought her tired eyes to meet his own, smiling weakly at his caring expression, as she brought her hand up, signaling that she wasn't too bad, but she wasn't great either. He returned the smile, nodding in understanding.

" You'll both be okay."

" And you too."

" Yeah. And me too."

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A/N: Hey guys, here's your update, please let me know what you think. This chapter and the next few chapters are some of my favorites and things will really start happening, and you'll be let into some characters' minds and really see them develop which is awesome! So I can't wait to share all that with you :)

ily x