Never Again

Nothingness (27)

"Hello citizens of the Resistance. My name is Olympia and my mother is Elizabeth Lance, the government leader," I say, watching everybody's eyes on me, "I once lived in a nice mansion near the Red City. I was spoiled and shallow- but then something happened. I met a drudge named Trace. He was perfect..."

I gulp and look down before forcing myself to continue, my voice slightly shaky with emotion, "After a while, he opened my mind to the thought of boys being just as equal as girls. I decided that I was to join the Resistance, so Trace and I left the mansion to come here. On the way, Trace was captured by the government... And, um, we are preparing to get him back. I just wanted to tell you that more and more people are coming to the right side. If I could change my opinions, literally the daughter of the government leader, I'm sure anybody could. I'm positive  we can turn back time to where everybody was equal. Our first mission is to get Trace back from the government. And, I'm sure that he will have information if- I mean when- we take him back."

I take a shaky breath and smile light, proud of myself for keeping it together. Everybody claps for me and I give a small wave and start to make my way back to my seat. All of a sudden, however, just after I start walking back, I hear a guy scream, "Trace is dead." I try to shake it off but then I hear others start to say things like, "Why would they keep him alive anyways?", "Stop lying to yourself", and "Accept that he's gone honey." I hear agreeable murmurs flow through the crowd, and I try to push down my feelings, but I literally can't. It's like I have no more room for pain in me, and when I try to fit more in, the rest just comes breaking out. Emotions flood my system and a cry escapes my lips. I start to quickly walk to the side door, trying to keep myself together, but it's no use. I can't help the tears pouring out of me. I finally make it to the exit, and, pulling it open, I quickly shut it and sink to the cold ground.

I put my head in my hands and feel myself shatter. He probably is dead. Why would they keep him alive? They probably just killed him so that we couldn't get any information from him. They just want us to think he's alive so that we'll come looking for him. Why even try? It will all be for nothing in the end. I mean, it makes complete sense and so many people have the same opinion. The complete loss of Trace, along with all my feelings that I've been ignoring are killing me. I finally run out of tears to cry into a puddle of sadness below me, and I simply feel numb.

I hear somebody coming behind me. Vaguely, Janelle's vice says, "Olympia, are you okay?" I can't move. I can't react. I can't speak. I simply stare at the wall in front of me and wish it was Trace. I am slightly aware of being helped up, and Janelle helps me walk.

We get to my room, I notice. I didn't even remember the walk here. I don't remember anything. I don't want to. Why would I?

Janelle places me on my bed, and I simply sit there, staring into the depressing wall in front of me. Janelle pops into my vision, squatting on the floor in front of me. "Olympia?"

I don't answer- my expression won't falter and my mouth won't open. I'm broken. I can't respond. I can't. I can't. I can't.

I don't know how much time passes when Janelle gives up and leaves the room. I don't bother changing clothes or brushing my teeth before falling asleep. It doesn't matter, I think, even though I can't help but know that's my sadness talking.

...

I wake up the next morning to see Blaze next to me, gently shaking my shoulder. I don't want to get up, I think. I was having a much better time sleeping- it's like my life is the nightmare.

"Olympia, we need to practice."

"No." My voice sounds weak and tired. I hate it but I can't change it. "You know Trace is okay, right? What those people said didn't mean anything."