Torn

Chapter 19

To my surprise her frustration disappears to be replaced by anxiety. I guess the tables have turned quickly, as I become the one who is watching with worry at her nervous state.

"For you"

"Me?" I asked, she gives me a small nod and I take that as my cue to accept the bag, peeking inside. I spot a small, neatly wrapped package. But before I could say anything, a tiny card taped to one side catches my curiosity, my breath hitching as I read the message scribbled in her slanted penmanship.

January 16, 2015

Harry,

Happy Birthday.

I know it's not much and I don't know if I'll even give this to you. It just reminds me of you, of us...of what we had. I hope I haven't destroyed that.

I'm sorry.

I miss you, more than you'll ever know.

Love,

Always - your Mia.

I don't know how long I stood there, going over her message again and again and again - my head unable to wrap around the concise text. The message is short and doesn't even contain the usual cheeriness and wishes of a typical birthday card. Some inks are even blotted with dried droplets - droplets of which I am fairly certain of the source.

It's filled with regrets and the uncertainty to it just proves her indecisiveness of sending it or just allowing the paper to yellow with only the cobwebs as witness. A lot would have even probably resorted to throw this card away and just write another once actually deciding to give it.

But I'm glad she didn't, because to me her hesitance was what made it all the more beautiful.

Ever since she came back in my life I felt I was only being faced with a shell of who she used to be, her soulful eyes always watchful and scared as she would let it roam around us before deciding what face to put on. It might get overwhelming for her, as the truth would come poking its head around from time to time. I would revel in it of course, but only while it lasted because I know by now that another day would mean another act for her.

But now as I held her note filled with smudges and apologies, I know she's finally giving me a glimmer of the truth that she's held onto for so long.

My breath catches again when my eyes accidentally drift upwards, the date I haven't noticed before adding to my swirling thoughts.

"January 16? You've had this...?" I asked, trailing off as my head tilted upwards to meet her hazelnut orbs filled with uncertainty.

"Almost a month since your birthday, yes." she answered lowly with a small nod.

"But you never..."

"Just because I didn't reach out, means I forgot Harry...I never did actually. I just..."

"Didn't know how?" I asked again, to be answered by another nod. Our sentences are filled with too many gaps, trailing off as we didn't know how to finish it on our own, only to be completed by the other. This reminds me why I will always need her in my life, knowing I'll never be whole without her anymore - and I don't just mean on the occasions that I get tongue-tied.

I just hope, to some extent - she needs me to complete her as well.

My focus shifts back to the item in the bag trying to hide the shaking of my hands as I grab it. Knowing her, I'd probably have more questions by the time I have it unwrapped, hopefully, she'll stick around this time for the answers.