'Jayda?' He says looking up at me, his eyes brimming with tears. I stared back at him, taking in his slightly familiar appearance. He looked so much like Jay, just a bit darker. His eyes were light brown, long eyelashes which is where Jayden inherited it from, and tall. Suddenly, memories seeped into my head. Times when I was 4 and he was picking me up and spinning me around as I squealed with delight, us baking in the kitchen. Memories that caused me to want to wrap my arms around him but I stood perfectly still.
My dad had finally come home.
'Mum, why's he here?' I ask turning my full attention to my mother.
'Jayda.' She says wearily. 'We talked about this.'
'I understand that you don't wanna see me but I just had to see you.' He had a thick American accent. He watched me, a faint smile on his face. 'So beautiful, just like her mother.' He mutters quietly. I looked at him, my face blank, emotionless. What am I supposed to say to this man? "Hi dad, how you been? Its so nice that you finally remember the family you left 9 years ago"? My mouth suddenly became dry.
'Why are you here?' I manage to get out.
'I want to try again, I want another chance to make things right.' He says. I blink rapidly to try and stop the tears threatening to spill.
'You want another chance? Where were you? You haven't been there for me, why do you deserve another chance?' My voice was thick with emotion. I thought I was going to start barling any second now.
'I know, I know. You're right. But I want to be there for you now, I want to be a part of your life.'
'¿Ahora? ¡Tú no puedes decides estar parte de mi vida cuándo quieres!' I shout in Spanish meaning; Now? You can't decide to be part of my life when you want! I sigh deeply as a confused look plasters on his face. I normally speak Spanish when I'm very angry or very emotional.
'My baby can speak Spanish.' He says with adoration in his eyes. I ignore him.
'¿Dónde? Where have you been for the past 9 years? Huh?! When I nearly got raped and witnessed my best friend die in my arms? My first day of secondary? My first A*? My first crush? ¿Dónde estabas?' I couldn't stop the uncontrollable tears streaming down my face. I saw him bow his head in shame as tears rolled down his cheeks. My mum wiped her tears away.
'I-I'm sorry Jayda but there was no way I could've possibly been there.' He replies.
'¿Qué? So you couldn't get a plane and come back to the family you left? I was 5! Me and Jayden, and Jay was only 10! Imagine how mum felt!' I scream in anger.
'I was in the army Jayda.' He says quietly. My eyebrows furrow in confusion. Army?
'What?' I ask quietly. He nods. I turn to my mum who looks away. 'Why, why didn't I know this?'
'I, we, thought it was better that way.'
'We? You knew mum?' I ask, my voice barely audible. She wipes away her stream of tears. I scoff. 'I can't believe this..' I mutter to myself.
'Jayda, I'm sorry..' My mum starts.
'No mum, just don't.' I say.
'Jayda, don't take it out on your mom. It was my decision. And it was such a bad decision. The worst. So I hope that you will find it in your heart to forgive me. I don't mind if it takes a while because I will wait forever for you. You're my beautiful daddy's girl.' He says looking at me as uncontrollable tears sped down his cheeks and mine.
He's right, I've always been a daddy's girl. So why was I feeling so much hate toward my 'dad'? I stared at him, not knowing how to react or respond. So I leave. I walk out the front room, numb, with tears strolling down my face. I left the house and just walked. In the cold without a coat, not knowing where I was going but my feet just carried me.
