The Way We Used to Be

Preface

2015

"No, please Addy, stay here with me."

Her voice replays in my head from that day over and over and the scene comes with.

"Zo, I promise you I will be back to get you," I said squatting to that we were eye level.

I wrapped her in a big hug and her head rested on my shoulder. I felt her tears soak my t-shirt.

"I never wanna let go," she whispered.

I rubbed her back.

"It'll all be okay soon," I said standing up. "I have to go for now but I promise we can keep in touch and I will be back for you."

When I left that day I didn't look back. That was about 4 years ago, the day before my 19th birthday. I wish I could've taken her with me but I wasn't in the shape to do it. If I would've I could've fought harder. I could've had custody. But I don't and that's a mistake I want to change. Zoe is my little sister, she's 12 now, 8 then. She didn't understand how hard it was leaving her, especially with him.

Our dad is a drunk joke for a father. When our mother died he left us to fend for ourselves. I was an 11 year old left to look after and care for her 3 month old baby sister. I can't wait to see that worthless piece of nothing when I get her back. This time I am going for full custody of her and it will be easy, as he isn't able to care for her. He has no car, he's always drinking and whenever he isn't he yells and screams, sometimes he would hit us. I actually have a scar on the back of my neck where he got me.

He told me it was an accident, that he felt bad and didn't have control over what he did. He had a bottle of whiskey, how he got it I don't know because he never had enough for anything except beer. But he got mad and threw it at the wall, it barely missed me but then it shattered a piece hit me. I'll never forget that night.

There was only one person that I could talk to and it wasn't my little sister that didn't understand it. It was Theo. Theo was always there for me. His dad lived a few houses over and his mom owned a house on the beach with her husband. Whenever something happened or I couldn't reach the phone I was always welcomed in his house.

His mom and step dad never knew what went on at my house, just that I would rather be there. They let me hang out all of the time. Depending on the time of day they would make me lunch or dinner. A few times i had breakfast over there. Actually one time, they let Zoe and I spend the night there. She was around 5 so she thought a sleepover was the coolest thing.

What she didn't know was that it was a way to escape. He got really bad that day. But Theo helped me cope. He was my rock through it all. During the summer before 11th grade he asked me out. Of course I knew how strong my feelings towards him were and said yes. I remember all of the details of that day.

We sat in the grass, side by side. I had my knees pulled to my chest with my arms. We just sat in silence watching to clouds.

"Addy?"

I turned my head to him.

"Yea?"

"Are you scared?"

"Of what?"

"Growing up, getting older, moving on? What if we lose each other?"

He was now looking deep into my eyes. I shrugged.

"I just want out of here and you can come with me. We're not going to loose anything. I want to move as soon as we graduate, get a job, and take you and Zoe with me."

He smiled. "Looks like you have it all planned."

"Mostly."

I giggled with him. Then as it grew silent I noticed him not only looking at me but my lips. He must've noticed I caught him because his face reddened and he looked away.

I turned my body so I was facing him and pulled him to face me.

"Why does that embarrass you?"

  "Because I don't want you to know how much I like you," he whispered. If I wouldn't have been listening close I wouldn't have heard it.

I inched closer to him, our bodies touching. He leaned his head to mine. We slowly got closer until our lips were barely touching. Then he touched his lips to mine gently. I closed my eyes and pressed back.

When he pulled back my eyes began to flutter open. I grinned.

"Adelaide, I wanna be with you as more than your friend after we graduate. Do you want to be my girlfriend?"

I was taken back a little but knew my answer immediately. I nodded and went in for another kiss.

Even though we were 16, well technically I was two days away from from 16th birthday, we knew we loved each other. I wonder sometimes how it would be if it worked out.

We broke up a bit over a year ago. Sometimes I miss him. I mean we planned out our futures together. He's moved on, there's a new girl in his life. I don't have the time to date anyone right now. I'm focusing on my life and Zoe's. I still see him quite a bit because he lives back at home and I go help Zoe with things.

We fight about anything and everything every time though. I can't seem to go a single visit to Zoe without running into him and getting all mad. Like last week, we fought about Zoe. He got mad because he thinks he should still get to see her and help out with what she needs, but I think it's wrong. Plus that's putting her in the middle and I won't do that.

Zoe loved Theo. They were best buds too. I feel bad I'm cutting her friend out but it has to be like this or we'll never move on. We've both had it tough and I'm not screwing any more of her youth with petty boy problems.

Although, seeing him with someone else hurts. It's worse than I thought I could be. I've thought about talking to him and resolving the start of the fights and how we broke up. But that subject is better left unsaid.