Lifeless [ #wattys2016]

she's awake

Jab, kick , punch. Those were the sounds that were heard as I was in the training in my personal sanctuary . Releasing all my emotions in to the punching bag was a good distraction from what was actually going on . Jab, kick, punch. Keeping this rhythm helped me not want to punch everything I saw around me. I was in here every day avoiding everyone I had no reason to speak to any of them. I knew it was selfish of me to not talk to anyone including Fred but I knew they would mumble there obliged sorry and carry on their business as usual.

My belly rumbled reminding me that I haven't eaten anything all morning. I jog up the stairs to the kitchen. No one was there and for once I would have liked if I had the others company to distract me from my thoughts. I made toast seeing as that's the only thing I think I can manage to eat. I sat on the table alone, munching on the toast not really accessing the taste. I look at my glass full of water. Water ... drowning ... Tara. Those thoughts viscously invade my mind causing me to hit the glass and send it crashing to the ground. Breath.

I didn't finish the toast nor did I clean up the mess.

The next day was the same. In the training room  doing my routine I knew exactly where to go moving past the swords , weights  and guns I went straight to the punching bag.  I stopped mid -way when I came to the realization that  I couldn't  keep up with this façade. I had to go visit Tara. I traced her window where I could see her through. The cold surface smooth against my rough hands. I wanted to go in. every time reached her room with determination but I never managed to step inside. I simply watched. I watched her shallow breaths. I watched the monitor go off. Then I left because if I didn't I would have broken down.

I needed to go out. I need to be anywhere but here. I walked to my room changed from my sweaty tracksuits and put on fresh new ones. I quickly walked to the door not in the mood for anyone to stop and ask me questions. I hesitated before grabbing the door handle. I had a gnawing feeling that something would happen and I would miss it. I shrugged the feeling off and closed the door softly behind me.

A coffee would have been good right about now, but then I remembered where we were and how we didn't have that. I glared at the sun. I glared at the trees. I glared at everything as I was pacing down the road. I closed my eyes wishing that we had the normal life. Where cars would glide down the road and I would hear little children's laughter and parents shouting for their child to slow down, the sweet smell of freshly baked waffles gliding through the air and connecting to my nose. And when I opened my eyes and saw the desolate area I wanted to scream to sky and how pathetic and useless life was because I couldn't even enjoy it.

I was in the middle of nowhere I realized and I chuckled at that shaking my head at the silly joke I made. I could just keep walking I thought.  The rustle of the wind as my guide and the sun as my light. The idea was so tempting. To leave what was behind me behind me. I shook the ridiculous thought out of my head.  I turned around walking back home when my phone rang I scowled thinking about how I should of put it on silent. I didn't even look at caller ID before I answered.

"Hello" I grunted

"It's Fred. Tara she's... " he didn't even finish the sentence for my heart to go into overdrive

"What is it?" I demanded my palms sweating and the hairs on my back rising

"She's awake" his voice bubbling with joy and relief

With those words I hung up and ran home looking up at the sky and smiling. Maybe there was someone up there after all.

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authors note:

hey guys finally an update :)

Don't know how many times I re did this chapter. don't know how I feel about this you guys be the judge.

comment , vote , share and follow me for faster updates

signed precious x