Searching For Nothing

Chapter 6

Zayn 's POV

Ever since what happened a couple days ago at the mall I haven't been feeling myself, it's not a feeling of sadness but more a feeling of disgust. Every single time I look in the mirror I can easily pin point the things I hate about myself and my appearance. I've never really had a problem with myself, for the most part I have always been proud of every part of me, but now not so much. All I notice is how I have a bunch of baby fat and how my ears and nose are too big for my face.

I sighed as I looked in the mirror and brushed my teeth, after ten seconds I put my head down and didn't look back up until I left the bathroom. I got dressed as best I could without actually having to look at my legs or my stomach and then I went downstairs where dad and uncle Liam were watching football.

"Hey bud, what's going on?" Uncle Liam asked pulling me onto his lap.

"Not much."

I looked at the TV but all I could focus on was how i must be crushing uncle Liam's legs or how disgusted he must be feeling all of my fat as his hand rested on my back.

"I need to um use the bathroom, I'll be right back," I said hopping off of his lap in hopes of getting out of there as soon as possible.

I ran upstairs and into my room where I sat on the bed just looking at my hands when I heard a knock on the door.

"Come in!"

The door opened and dad came in with a concerned expression on his face as he sat next to me and wrapped an arm around my waist which I shrugged away from.

"Bub, what is going on? Are you okay?"

I just shrugged and looked back down at my hands and a hand pushed my chin up.

"Zee what's wrong? Please tell me, I just want you to feel better."

"It's nothing I promise, I've just been feeling a bit sick and I didn't want to tell you guys because I didn't want to ruin any plans you had."

"Zayn you don't have to be scared to tell us anything like that, now let's get you into bed for a bit."

I nodded at the success of my lie and then climbed in bed where dad pulled the covers up to my chin and kissed my nose.

"Goodnight baby, and if you need anything and I mean anything at all you can tell us, that's anytime of any day of any week of any year."

I nodded and gave a fake smile which dad returned with a real one and left the room leaving me to myself and my thoughts. I frowned and got out of bed and went to my bathroom and took off my shirt. I took a long hard look in the mirror hoping to shake these thoughts out of my head but they only got worse. I suddenly had this urge to throw up and I thought it was only in my head until I felt the vile taste come up my throat and my head was in the toilet as I pulled my guts up. When I finished I expected to feel gross and disgusting like any other time but I felt the opposite. I felt empty, like I could feel my body slowly burning away fat because there is nothing left in my stomach.

I returned to my room after flushing the toilet and fell asleep with a half smile on my face, satisfied with my newfound discovery.

I woke up two hours later to a hand going through my hair and a hand rubbing my stomach. I opened my eyes and Uncle Niall was there next to me waiting for me to wake up.

"Hey bud, did you have a nice nap? Your dad said you weren't feeling well."

"Yea, I'm feeling a bit better."

"Well that's good, is there anything I can't get you? A snack maybe?"

"No thank you."

"Are you sure? I don't think you've eaten today."'