Transgender (Phanfic fluff)

This is Home

A/N: Yeah so I posted an update omg. Also if someone would like to draw some fanart for this it would be really appreciated! :) thanks

Breathe Dan, just breathe. I opened up the door to my bedroom and sat in my classic buttchair as I opened the laptop and turned the camera on. I shakily pressed record and began..

    "Hello Internet, I am Dan Howell, also known as Danisnotonfire, you are probably wondering why I am acting so nervous right now and it is because..I need to tell you something." I began. I let out a shaky breathe once more and took a sip of my tea.

    "Growing up I always had this feeling like I was different from everyone else. Not in the paticular 'I don't fit in' persona even though that was one of them but more or less in a way where I felt like I was wrong. I felt like something was wrong with me" I said.

    I felt the pressure really sink in as I laid back in my seat staring at the camera lens.

    "No, this is not an 'im gay' coming out video. This is a 'im trans' coming out video" I say. There it goes. Now they know. Well, they will know when I post this video. If I post this video. All the nerves and fear of rejection just came piling over. I finished up the video with a few kind words and asking politely if everyone would just leave it be then I went down stairs to see Phil with his vlogging camera out as he made coffee.

    "So after I put on the kettle I wait" He said while doing a little jig towards the end before he saw me. "Hey D-slice, whats happenin'?" He asked. I let out a laugh as I sat in the dining chair looking up at him. "Just finished a video, it'll be up tomorrow" I say, feeling my smile falter a little. Phil let out a small laugh before coming and sitting next to me. "We are going to america next week so be sure to get any last minute arrangements in order so we can come see you!" He cheered as I nodded along before he turned the camera off.  "You okay?" He asked turning towards me. Some how Phil always knew when something was wrong or uncomfortable with me.

    "Phil hurry up we are going to be late!" I yelled from the bottom of the stairs. We had a meeting at the Google building and we were already fifteen minutes late. "Just give me a minute" He yelled back. I huffed as I walked back up the stairs and sat on the sofa. I tried to wait but grew impatient and marched down the hall to Phils room. "Phil, what are yo-" I stopped mid in my tracks when I saw the sight before me. Phil was holding up a present with a little white bow on top. "Happy early birthday" He said smiling at me. I let out a laugh as I went and popped the lid off the top of the box. I gasped as I was met with a little golden Shiba Inu. "Oh my god, Phil" I said as I picked the little guy up from his box. He licked my face making Phil and I both giggle in unison. "Oh thank you, he is wonderful. Is it a he?" I asked last minute while Phil nodded, putting the box down. "I found him at that shelter downtown pass the bakery. He's eight weeks old" Phil explained while giving the dog a pet. "What should we name him?" I asked. he dog looked up at both Phil and I and let out  a small sound as if it were trying to bark. I smiled a big grin on my face as I let Phil have a turn holding him. "How about..Bugsy!" Phil said excitedly. I nodded agreeingly as we put Bugsy down to run around. "So did we really have a meeting?" I asked. "Nope".

    I smiled fondly at the memory as Bugsy came and jumped on my leg. He was too big for my lap now. "Oh I miss when you were tiny" I cooed as I scratched behind his ears. Phil came over and sat in the chair next to me with a serious face on. "I am serious Dan, are you okay?" He asked me, putting a hand on my shoulder. I only nodded and went back to messing with Bugsy. "So what was your video about?" He asked curiously sipping his coffee. I gulped a little before looking up and making eye contact with the man. "W-Well, I um, I made a video about..me" I said softly that if he wasn't listening close enough he probably wouldn't of heard me. He gave me a look I couldn't quite understand. "So like a video..about.." He trailed off and I simply nodded, knowing where he was going with it. He just nodded and sat back in his seat. I stood up and coughed trying to ignore the subject. "So what are we doing for dinner?" I asked as I walked into the kitchen and opened the fridge. As I was looking I felt Phils hand on mine as he made me push the fridge shut. I looked down at the floor as I turned to him. "Dan..are you getting second thoughts?" He asked me. I didn't notice I was crying until I felt Phils hand brush away a tear. I took in a breath to try to calm myself down as I wiped my eyes but I couldn't and eventually had yet another break down in front of Phil.

    "I'm sorry" I mumbled throught the tears but he just pulled me into one of his signature bear hugs as I cried. I was lucky to have a friend like Phil. I mean yeah, he could be dense sometimes but he knew how to handle a situation when it was thrown at him. "Dan, I know you're nervous, but making that video means that you can do this" He said. I pulled away and gave him a confused look while Bugsy was running around in circles. "Do what?" I asked, beginning to calm down. "You can post it, Dan, do you really think they will acyually hate you? These are the guys that have been obsessed with us getting together since 2009" He said and I nodded agreeing. H was right. Why was I so scared. "Thank you Phil" I whispered as he gave me one more hug before opening the fridge once more. "I'm feeling fajitas, what about you?" He asked but when he turned towards me I had already gotten the seasoning out of the cabinet.

    "Ouch! Phil, will you help me with this box?" I yelled to the raven haired boy as I was struggling up the stairs. "Yeah" He yelled back as he appeared from around the corner of the top of the stairs. He picked up the front and backed up the stairs until we reached the top. Phil didn't see the edge of the door and tripped, falling backwards, with the box. With a thud we both fell to the floor, the contents of the box spilling everywhere. "Sorry.." He mumbled, rubbing the back of his head. "Are you okay?" I asked and he nodded, helping me pack the box back up until his eyes froze on one thing. My tampons.

    I felt my face grow red from embarrassment as I shoved them into the box but I couldn't ignore Phil's questioning look.

    "I got them for if any of our female friends come over" I said, covering up the truth quite brilliantly if I do say so myself. He chuckled and stood up with a goofy smile on his face. "What?" I asked, looking up at him. He walked out of the room for a moment before coming back with another box of tampons. "I did the same thing" He giggled. I started to laugh hysterically at him as we both had a laughing fit in the middle of the hallway. This was going to be a nice home. I smiled to myself before continuing to unpack the multiple boxes for my new bedroom.

    After dinner Phil and I were sat in the lounge in our browsing positions while watching reruns of 'Game Of Thrones'. I sighed in boredom. "Phil, we've seen this episode twelve times" I stated and he just shrugged. I got off the couch and walked to grab the remote before going to Netflix. "Wanna watch Supernatural? We've never actually watched that have we?" I asked and he nodded approvingly, eyes not leaving his computer. As the first episode began Phil and I both abandoned our laptops surprisingly as we were too engrossed in the new obsession. "Oh, so whatever killed the mom killed her too" Phil said as we began discussing the episode. We both shared a glance and smiled. "Wanna binge watch it?" I ask and he said yes and all night long we watched the show. These were my favorite times with Phil. He was family to me. Our fans are family. I don't know why I was so worried about it all. This is home. This is where I belong.

            And with that, I clicked 'Upload'.