Transgender (Phanfic fluff)

Danielle/Dan

Dan paced frantically around his room in nervousness. He was going over it through his head. He was going to tell him. He was going to tell Phil his biggest secret. He was going to tell Phil he was Trans.

When Dan was growing up he always felt like he was born in the wrong body. He always felt different from all the other girls as he didn't feel attracted towards pony's, or makeup, not even dresses. At first he thought he was a tomboy, but as he got older he just put it together. He was a lesbian. Of course this wasn't true as he actually was attracted to men but he thought it was the only explanation to what was going on in his body and him. One year he was walking down the corridor at school when suddenly a guy winked at him. His heart started beating faster than ever and he began to blush at the guy. But as it turns out, the guy was gay and thought Dan was a boy. Dan wasn't sure why but he wasn't offended.When he explained to the guy that he was in fact a girl the guy asked "So you're a trans?".

Dan was unsure what this term meant at the time so when he finally got home he searched it up. He then began to question everything about himself. He would sign up on special chat forums, he would bind his chest together and he actually looked much better in his opinion. That was when everything clicked into place. He then began to search for a new name and that was when he came across 'Dan'. He loved it.

Eventually after awhile of binding and begging for a male haircut, his family got the hint. They were completely supportive of him and by the age of 16 his name was legally changed to 'Dan Howell' and he identified as male.

As Dan got older, he didn't really have to 'come out' to anyone cause he didn't really think he had to. Then he met Phil and everything changed. Phil was this light to Dans darkness. The missing piece to his puzzle.

As Phil and Dan got closer, Dan felt scared. He didn't want Phil to find out he was born a female, so he decided to shut him out of his life one year (2012). Dan would refer to Phil as just his flatmate in his video and eventually moved out and went to UNI. At UNI he made some friends but it just wasn't the same without Phil. Dan decided he couldn't live without Phil and asked him one day over the phone..

"So hey Phil um.. I've been thinking and..I want to quit college.."

"WHAT?! Are you sure Dan? this could change a lot for you" Phil said, he seemed worried.

"Yes Phil, it's just not for me.." Dan said trailing off. He was kinda flattered at how worried Phil was about him.

"Well just remember that I'm always here, and I imagine you might need a place to stay for a bit so if you want you can stay with me" Phil said. He had a hopeful sound in his voice. Dan smiled as he and Phil made arrangements for him to move in. He was getting his best friend back.

Now it's a few years later and he is walking down a staircase to Phil who was sitting in the lounge playing Skyrim. He sighed shakily and thumped his fist on his chest, he had to be strong and do this. He can do this. He repeatedly said that as he walked into the lounge to be met by Phils presence.

"Hey Dan.." Phil said trailing off as he focused closely on his Skyrim game. Dan sat across from Phil on the black sofa as he gained confidence and finally said it.

"Phil, there is something I need to talk to you about.." Dan began but Phil just said 'Uh-huh' as he wasn't focusing on what Dan was trying to say at all.

"Phil can you please just listen for a minute, this is serious.." Dan said but Phil just kept focus on the game. Dan was getting red now, he was angry.

Dan, in a furious straught, got up off the couch and stood in front of Phils view of the television so he had no choice but to put attention towards Dan. "What the hell Dan"? Phil asked in frustration.

"I'M NOT A MAN!" Dan yelled out in anger but immediately wanted to take it back as he stepped back, clasping his hands over his mouth. Oh my god what did he do? Can't turn back now. Oh my gosh he completely regrets this decision. He felt warm drips in his eyes and immediately ran up stairs as he heard Phil call out for him in confusion. He must be so confused.-----------------------------------------

"Hey Dan? do you have my straighteners?" Phil called out to his best friend. As Phil walked up the stairs he heard muffling about. "Dan?" He called out once more as he went to open the lads room door.

"NO NO NO, DON'T COME IN HERE!" Dan yelled but it was already too late. Phil had walked in.

Dan was standing in the corner of his room, trying his best to cover his chest. His binder was only half way on. Phil didn't really understand what was wrapped around dans waist, until it hit him. It was a gertle. Dan thought he was fat.

"Awe Dan, you don't need to wear that, you're perfect just the way you-" Phil didn't have time to finish as he was shoved out of Dans room, straighteners being thrown at him. "Get out!" was the last thing Dan yelled before the door closed. Phil just stood there bewildered. Why was Dan so self-conscious about his weight? Phil walked back to his room, straightening his hair and getting ready for the day. An hour had passed and he was now laying on his bed, laptop in hand when a soft knock came at the door.

"Phil?" Dan asked softly as his eyes stayed fixed on the ground. He didn't enter any further from the doorway until Phil motioned for him to come sit on his bed.

"I'm sorry I yelled at you.." Was all Dan got out before Phil pulled him in for a hug. "It's okay, but promise me something?" Phil asked as he pulled away from Dan, placing his hands on his shoulders, looking deep into his eyes. "No more gertle" Phil said. Dan looked at him confused until realization hit him. Phil only saw half, so it didn't look like a binder. Dan just nodded along, smiling sadly as Phil pulled him in for another hug.

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Dan locked the door. He wasn't going to let Phil in, he knew what he was going to say. That he was disgusting and that he wanted him out. He never wanted to see him again. an felt a lump in his throat as he didn't even try to hold back the fresh tears that sprung from his eyes. He slid his back down his door, holding his face in his hands and knees to his chest as he sobbed. Only then did he hear a knock at the door. "Dan?" Phil asked quietly. Phil was worried. He felt guilty for not paying attention to Dan but he was mostly worried as he just heard Dan yell "IM NOT A MAN", Phil was confused on whether that meant he was just feeling unconfined in who he was, or maybe it meant what he actually said, he wasn't a man.

"Dan please open up, I can hear you crying.." Phil said sadly. When he heard no movement he sighed and sat with his back to the door. Dan continued to cry until he heard Phil sit down.

"I'm confused with what you said and I'd really like it if we could talk about this, you tell me everything Dan, please don't stop now.." Phil said as he almost felt tears of his own. Finally he heard Dan stand and a click on the door, signaling he unlocked it. Phil gently opened the door to find a tear-stained Dan lying on his bed, facing the wall, away from Phil.

"What do you want to know?" Dan asked. Phil thought over what to ask in his head. Dan was looking very fragile at this point and Phil didn't want to break him.

Phil walked over to the bed and placed a hand on Dans shoulder, nudging him to face him. Dan eventually sat up in the dark room and faced Phil. They both looked confused.

"What did you mean, when you said..you're not a man?" Phil asked, trying to treat the subject with ease. Dan sighed as he began to slide his shirt up. Phil jumped off the bed in shock at the turn of events. "Whoa Dan, I'm not going to take advantage of you, look , I know you're vulnerable right now but that doesn't mean-" Phils rambles were immediately shut up when he saw what Dan was referring to. He had a black binder strapped to his chest. Phil looked in awe as he came to realize what Dan meant. He was born female. Phil sat back down on the bed, eyes not leaving the binder. Dan was about to begin crying again when Phil unexpectedly hugged him. Dan sat there in shock at Phils motions until he heard Phil whisper something that made him the happiest he'd ever been.

"You're the manliest man I've ever known.."