Restless Hope

Chapter 22

"Maybe it's for the best," I say. "I love that house, but I never liked who I was in that house. I was always the disappointment. The girl that never lived up to expectations. If I could live there by myself, maybe it would different."

"What was the happiest time of your life?" Sophie asks.

"When I was at Harvard," I say without hesitation. "For the first time in my life, I felt like I was fully living. I woke up each day with a purpose and didn't have to answer to anyone but myself."

"Why didn't you go back and finish after your father got better?"

"I was going to. You don't know how excited I was to get back to school. I missed it so much."

And I missed Isaac, I think with an ache.

"I was all set to go back. I'd even paid for my classes and bought my books. Then my sister Mariah's husband Trevor died and she came home to live with us in Nantucket. Olivia was only two years old, and Toby wasn't even born yet. Mariah was a mess. She cried all day, every day. She barely ate anything. I practically had to force her to eat. Olivia didn't understand what had happened, and she was distraught that her mother was too wrapped up in her grief to help her."

That's when Isaac left for Africa and I had to face the reality I had lost him for good.

"For the next five years, I planned to return to Harvard. I was just holding out until Mariah got better, but it took her a lot longer than I expected. My father wasn't any help. He was too busy running his business into the ground. Mariah finally agreed to get counseling and seemed to get better. At least she was able to function. By then, Olivia was having problems, though.

"Eventually we discovered she had a severe case of dyslexia. For me it was a relief to finally know what was wrong, but Mariah was in complete denial. She didn't believe Olivia had a learning disorder. She thought Livie was just acting out for attention, which is supremely ironic considering Mariah is the queen of faking things. Olivia needed a lot of help, but Mariah insisted it was all in Olivia's head and she just needed to try harder. Livie went from being a bright student and loving school to a depressed kid who hated school and was constantly trying to get out of it. We received several calls from the principal of her school. I chalked her depression up to her frustrations with the dyslexia, never dreaming there might be another reason."

"I opened a pocket in her backpack one day and found it crammed full of notes. I pulled them out and started reading them. They were awful, Sophie. These kids were calling her ugly, fat, stupid, retarded. Some of them even told her she should go kill herself. We talked to a few of Olivia's friends and found it all started with a teacher. Her teacher was frustrated with Livie's constant talking and disruptiveness and had been making abusive comments for most of the school year. The kids had turned on her as well and teased her mercilessly."

"Monsters. Poor Livie," Sophie murmurs.

"I was furious. I went straight to the school and dumped the notes in front of the principal and teacher. The school defended the teacher and said the kids were lying. They said they would talk to the kids about the notes, but they couldn't punish them because they had been written anonymously. After that, the notes got even more ugly and threatening. Some of them mocked us, saying we were powerless to stop them. We pulled Olivia out of the school because we didn't feel she was safe. A private school was a possibility, but my Father and Mariah refused. I later found out my Father couldn't afford it, but even if he could, Mariah wouldn't have allowed it because she didn't want Olivia labeled."

I shift on the bed to face Sophie better.

"We moved back to the house in Lexington. Now we were close enough for me to return to Harvard, but I wasn't sure if it made sense to anymore. All my friends had left and were running successful businesses. Solere was thriving under David and Heidi's leadership. I thought maybe I should just set up my own business and help Olivia with her schooling on the side. It's been five years since we moved back. Olivia is finally starting to enjoy school again, which is a relief, but it requires a lot of work from me. The business thing still hasn't worked out yet, and there never seems to be enough time."