Save Me Because I Can't Save Myself (Patrick Stump)

Chapter 37

I sigh and walk towards the bathroom and get undressed. Patrick leaves a light kiss on my shoulder but I push him away. I don't want his attention or affection, I just want to be alone.

I quickly get in the shower after removing the ring that Patrick gave me last night. Was it a mistake saying yes to Patrick? Trying to love someone when you don't even love yourself?

I keep my eyes on the tiles as I wash my hair and the rest of my body. Patrick tries to talk to me or just even get my attention but it doesn't work. As I'm getting out of the shower my eyes catch a glimpse of Patrick's razor. My breath hitches in my throat and I almost think Patrick noticed. It's been weeks, maybe even a month. Yesterday I felt like nothing could tear me down but now I feel like nothing can save me from how I'm feeling.

Once I'm dressed, I sit on the bedroom floor and start to repack. Since we'll be only gone for a day or so I don't really need to take as much as I have packed from the rest of the tour. Patrick eventually sits next to me with a fedora in hand. He lightly places his fedora on my head and smiles. "You look cute in my fedoras" He says trying to lift the mood. I almost consider taking it off and ignoring Patrick but what help is that going to do? I actually need him. I just need to accept his help.

"Not as cute as you do" I smile back, placing the fedora closely next to us on the floor. I look into Patrick's eyes and I see how concerned he is for my wellbeing. I see that he really does care for me. "I'm worried about you Anna" Patrick whispers before engulfing me in a hug. "You have nothing to be worried of" I whisper back lying.

He doesn't reply. But I can't help but feel like he wanted to say more. He does that a lot, keeps stuff away from me, scared that it's going to hurt me or make me feel worse. But there's but really much I can do about that, other than just seeming okay and fine.

Pete walks into the room again. This time knocking lightly before entering cautiously.  He sees Patrick and I and looks at us confused. "What did I miss?" He asks casually. I flip him off, he laughs before leaving the room. Yelling that we're leaving soon.

I look into Patrick's eyes before placing my lips against his. He kisses back but pulls away when I try to deepen it. "You're not using this as a distraction" He states before pulling me off his lap and walking downstairs with his gear. Does he feel that I'm just using him to keep all the bad thoughts off my mind? I just sit on the floor I thought until Brendon comes upstairs to get me.

I instantly run towards him and hug him. He looks surprised or shocked at first but then he realises what could be going on. "We need to get going" He mumbles behind my shirt. "I don't wanna go" I shout dramatically. "Stop quoting Doctor Who, we've got a plane to catch" He whines before pulls away from our hug. "Fine then.... ALLONS-Y" I yell after grabbing my bag and dragging Brendon downstairs. "You're like the female version of , he won't stop saying how cute David and Matt are" Brendon smiles at the thoughts of Dallon.

"Hey you can't say much Brendon, you agreed with me" Dallon says, appearing randomly from around the corner. "Only because you forced me to watch the 50th anniversary and you would of forced me to watch more if I didn't agree with you" Brendon sasses before walking over to Dallon and kissing him. They're too adorable for me to handle. "GOALS" I yell before walking outside to find everyone.

We all quietly head off to the airport. Pete is on my left asking me a bunch of questions about last night and this morning. "Did you guys have sex?" He whispers while giggling. "NO!" I yell back making Patrick look over at me annoyed. He's sitting as far away as possible from me and it slightly hurts. And by slightly I mean it feels like he's slowly crushing my heart with his bare hands.

"Then what happened this morning?" Pete whisper asks again. I decide its kind of best to tell him, then at least someone else will actually know what's going on. "I was upset and I just wanted him, he thought I was using him as a distraction" I admit. Pete sighs before replying. "But we're you?" He asks seriously, breaking away from his goofy, silly side. "I mean, I-I wanted to forget what was bothering me, b-but." I stutter trying to get my head around what I was doing. "I think I was" I sigh. "You need to tell him" Pete says looking over to Patrick who was completely ignoring everyone. Pete's right, I do need to explain to him what was happening,

I carefully get out my phone, trying not to drop it and text Patrick,
Me- Can we talk alone once we've checked in? I need to tell you something
I send before trying to look busy on my phone. Almost instantly he replies with a simple 'sure'

Once we've arrive at the airport we check in all of our bags and leave the crew to sort out the instrument and other stuff needed for the tour. Everyone walks ahead to go get a coffee and something to eat, since it is still quite early in the morning. While I wait for Patrick.

We decide to go find a quiet place outside, where nobody will come and recognise us. I quickly text Pete to tell him to message me when our flight is about to board, knowing that I'll lose track of time.

"So?" Patrick says once we've sit down on a bench outside. "I'm sorry" I mumble, finding it hard to figure out what I'm going to say. "You haven't really done anything Anna" He says softly, all the annoyance he seems to have been feeling kind of just disappeared in a moments time. "No Patrick I have, I been over dramatic and made things seem way worse than they actually are. I get upset way to easily and come to you when I need to he distracted" I start to explain. "You're allowed to come to me when you're upset, that's what I'm here for." He tries to take the blame off me. "I know that, just when I'm upset, I need something to help me forget that. I've been using you to do that, kissing you or trying to make it more intense. Just anything to stop my thoughts" I say trying to hold back the tears that I can feel forming in my eyes.

"It's fine Anna, I overreacted before. I know when you're trying to do that, I just don't let you because if something does happen I'll feel like I've taken advantage of you" Patrick admits. ''I just don't want to do that to you" He adds. "I understand that, I just need something to distract me from the bad thoughts" I sigh before getting up and hugging him.

"I'm always here to do that" He whispers before kissing my forehead. "Thank you" I mumble before grabbing his hand. "Shall we head back before everyone starts to get suspicious?" Patrick asks smiling once again. I nod and we start to head back to our gate where everyone is sitting, boredly.

"Now boarding flight to Los Angeles" The intercom announces and we all head over to board. I take a deep breath and follow everyone. My fear of flying is still there, I'm just slowly getting used to it. I kind of had to with all the traveling with the band.

Once we're all in our seats I realise that I'm next to Patrick and Brendon. This should hopefully be a quiet flight. With all of us needing to sleep as our last show is later today.

Half of the band is already asleep by the time we go to take off. "Sleep Anna" Patrick tells me. I settle into my seat, getting comfy for the short flight. Patrick grabs my phone and plugs in my headphones. He carefully puts an earphone in both of my ears and presses place. I soon hear the beautiful sound of Patrick singing acoustic.

Patrick mouths 'I love you', knowing that I wouldn't be able to hear him. I whisper it back and close my eyes to get a little bit of rest.

One step closer to the last concert, but one chance closer to running into my parents.