Save Me Because I Can't Save Myself (Patrick Stump)

Chapter 23

Patricks POV
I hardly slept. I kept stressing about Anna. What happens if she never wakes up? I can't loose her. I don't want to. Right now I don't even care what happened with Brendon. I just want my adorable girlfriend to maybe not be unconscious.

A nurse comes in sometime but I don't realise. "She's a lucky girl to have you here waiting for her" She says smiling. I just smile back and watch her change Annas bandages. She cut deep. She lost a lot of blood and she wanted to die. All because of me.

"Yell out if there's any change" She says before walking out. Tears sting my eyes and fall before I can stop them. "A-Anna" I say stuttering because of the tears. "You need to wake up. I need you awake" I say full on crying again.

Pete walks in and tells me I should leave and go have a shower. I don't try to argue because I know I need to.

Once back at the hotel I walk past everyone ignoring them. I don't feel like talking right now. "Hey how are you?" Someone asks. Probably Dallon. Without saying anything I walk into my room and slam the door. I know that was rude, but I don't feel like talking to anyone right now.

The bathroom smells like cleaning products. I'm guessing they completely scrubbed this room. Well at least it smells like they did.

I see one of Annas blades sitting on the counter and my mind gets the better of me. I pick it up and drag it along my wrist. I needed to feel something. After 3 or 4 times of it, I realise what I'm doing and throw the blade against the wall. I just self harmed. It's been years since I did that.

This can't happen again. I can't do this. Not while Anna is struggling with the same thing. Nobody can find out. They're already dealing with Anna. They don't need anymore drama right now.  I'll just have to hide it and hopefully not do it again. 

I quickly wrap them up and put on a black long sleeved t-shirt. I don't bother to do my hair, just cover it with one of my lucky fedoras. As I'm walking out the door I spot my acoustic guitar. I grab that and run back to get to the hospital.

What should I sing for her? I wonder if she can actually hear me. I hope she can.

Pete is where I left him. Sitting on the chair and I guess reading over Annas letter since there's tears running down his face and he's on his phone. "Have y-you read yours y-yet?" He asks stuttering because of his tears. I shake my head. I haven't. I don't want to hear how much it was all my fault and stuff. "You should" Pete says before walking out the room to give me time with Anna.

I start to play the chords to Immortals since it's the last song I sang to her. The day before all of this happened. When everything was fine. Well as fine as it could be.

"They say we are what we are,
But we don't have to be" I start to sing tears stinging my eyes.

Annas POV
The last few days have been weird. I thought I was dead. I wish I was but I don't know what's going on. My body has just felt numb. Like I'm asleep but awake at the same time.

I've heard everything everyone has said. I wanted to just ignore it but I can't. It's the only thing that I can hear. What Patricks been saying is the worst.

I don't want to wake up and face everyone that I've let down. Especially Patrick. I just want to stop hearing everyone trying to talk to me and sleep. I don't want to wake up.  Ever

I hear someone enter the room. Probably Patrick. Pete was already there saying random stuff about how they're all missing me and stuff. He leaves crying. Well by the sound of it.

I sigh mentally because I'm kind of unconscious so I can't actually, and get ready for Patrick to go on about how much he misses me and regrets what he said that night.

But doesn't speak straight away like usual. He starts to play cords on his acoustic guitar. The cords to Immortals. The song he sung to me the day before all of this happened. His voice shakes when he sings and I feel like crying. Even though I can't.

I get a tingly feeling through my body. And somehow I open my eyes. Patrick stops singing and rushes to me. Crying. He looks like he hasn't gotten sleep for days. How long was I unconscious? Not long enough.

"A-Anna" Patrick says breaking down in front of me. I'm crying as well because I still don't want to be here. I'm meant to be dead. I should be dead. I want to be.

Soon a nurse cones in and tells Patrick he has to leave so they can ask me questions and do tests. "Ms Smith, we advise you to start seeing someone about your mental health so that something like this doesn't happen again" She says softly. "N-No" I say. My voice rough from not talking for a while. "We'll give you time to think about this, for now fill out this form and rest up".

Once she leaves a dark haired guy comes rushing in to hug me. Brendon. "D-Dont you eve-er do anything like that a-again!" He says. Crying. What have I done to them?

I don't speak. I'm ashamed at myself. I shouldn't be here! Why am I here!?

Brendons POV
I've had no sleep. I'm tired but my mind just won't let me. Dallon is currently having a shower while I'm laying on the bed looking at the ceiling. Thinking about Anna.

I hear my phone go off and I think about ignoring it. I don't feel like talking to anyone right now. But it could be important.

And I'm glad I forced myself to check it since it was Patrick. Telling me to get down to the hospital. And fast. "Dallon! Hurry up Patrick texted telling us to get down there" I yell and straight away he comes out wearing black jeans and a nice tidy shirt. He looks good. Hot almost.

I give him a quick kiss and run out of the hotel to get a taxi. What if it's something bad? I'm shaking and Dallon noticed. "Hey Bren. Calm down" he says running my leg softly. Deep breathes. I can't have a panic attack. Not now. Even though that would be ironic.

We get to the hospital and I run to Patrick. What's with all this running today? It's only 10 in the morning. To early for exercise.

Patrick is crying next to Pete who is trying to comfort him. "What happened?" I ask worryingly. "She's awake" Pete says. Why is everyone sad then. I mean shouldn't we be happy she's awake?

"She won't talk to any of us" Patrick says sniffling. Oh. I look into her room and see a nurse talking to her. She doesn't seem to be listening.

The nurse eventually leaves and I run in to hug her. She needs them right now.

"Don't ever do anything like that again!" I say not caring that I'm crying. I won't be the only one her crying so it doesn't matter.

Anna looks at me like she wants to speak. But she doesn't. I don't let go of her. I just cry. "I'm sorry" She whispers eventually. "Just don't do it again" I whisper back and pull away.

She's crying. "What's wrong?" I ask confused. "I wanted to die! Why aren't I dead!" She yells. Tears falling down her face. I wipe them away and don't reply. I don't know what to say. I just want her to be happy. But I don't think she will be for a while.

She just cries and cries. I start to sing to calm her down.
"This is gospel,
For the fallen ones
locked away in permanent slumber
Assembling their philosophies from pieces of broken memories
The gnashing teeth and criminal tongues conspire against the odds
But they haven't seen the best of us yet"  I song softly as she falls asleep. "If you love me let me go" She mumbles before falling asleep.

I get up and walk back out to the others. "So?" Dallon asks. "She's asleep" I just while sitting down and putting my head in my hands. "D-Did she speak" Patrick asks. Should I lie and say she didn't? I just nod. Then of course he asks about what she said.

"That she's sorry and yeah" I say not telling anyone that she wishes that she died. I can't let Patrick know that. Maybe later but not now.

"Maybe we should all go and get some breakfast then come back later" Pete suggests. "I'm gonna stay hete" Patrick tries to convince us that there's a reason for him to. But I we end up dragging him out.

We all need to eat a proper meal and talk it all out. Annas awake and that's all that matters right now.