Save Me Because I Can't Save Myself (Patrick Stump)

Chapter 12

Petes POV
Ahh mornings suck ass. I check my phone to what the time is. 6? WHAT! Thats to early for me to be awake. I'll just go back to sleep for a few hours... Wait where's Patrick? He's not in his bunk so where could he be. I'LL GO INVESTIGATE. Wow what's up with me today. Probably still hyped from last night. I usually am all weird and strange after the first few concerts of the tour.

Hmm he's not up the front of the the bus so he must of gone for a walk. At 6? No he must just be in a different bunk. But who's? Brendon's? Hmm nah that space is for Dallon. Yup I totally ship them. I mean everyone does. We're all just waiting for it to happen.

Maybe Anna's? They've been really close so maybe he is. I walk over to Anna's bunk and see Patrick and her cuddling into each other. Aww so cute. "Annarick!" I yell giggling which makes both of them jolt awake. "Peeeeeeete" Anna whines since I've woken her up. Patrick just tries to go back to sleep. "Go aaawaaaay Peeete" I laugh at her and she tells me to fuck off. Wow that's rude. Well I guess I did wake her up. Wait neither her or Patrick denied that Annarick wasn't real. Maybe cause it is real.

I'll have to ask one of them later, for now I'm going back to sleep. It's tooooo early for me to be awake and functioning.

Anna's POV
Being woken up by Pete isn't really nice especially when it's like 6 am. Since I'm the type of person who can't get back to sleep once they're awake I just lay next to Patrick with my head on his chest. Just listening to his heart beat hoping it will make me sleepy and fall asleep again. It doesn't work. Dammit Pete. I'm blaming you for this.

I carefully move off Patrick and grab my phone and glasses. I look at the time. 6:30 ahh I swear it's been longer than that. I check the date. October the 2nd... Only just under a month. I don't want to leave everyone but I've planned this for months I can't back out now. I don't notice the tears streaming down my face until they hit the screen on my phone. I run to the bathroom quickly hoping no one will notice me or my tears.

After locking the door I lean against it and let the tears fall. Why did I agree to this tour? My parents are gonna be pissed off when I get home, if I ever get home. But they haven't even texted. Do they even care that I'm gone? Will anyone even care if I go? I feel a lump in my throat and it's getting difficult to breathe. I need a release, but I left my blades out with the rest of my stuff. I need to find something quick. Just to calm down the thoughts in my mind.

After a while I find a disposable razor blade hidden in a high cupboard. Perfect. I lean back against the door and pull up my sleeves. It's been awhile hasn't it? Few days? A week. I don't know I've lost count of the days. I look at the scars and nearly decide against making more. But what is a few more gonna do?

1 for my parents, 2 for the girls at my school who tormented me for many years, 3 for me being so stupid... I loose count after that. Finally my tears have dried up and I've stopped. I stand up to wash my cuts when my phone falls out of my pocket. I don't remember grabbing it. I have a message.. From Brendon?

Hey Anna I hope you're okay.. I mean yesterday.. All the scars, just yeah message me when you feel like doing that. Sent 15 minutes ago. So I'm guessing he's awake. Should I tell him? For some reason my mind is telling me yes, he can help me. Even if I don't necessarily want it, it's good to have someone there to talk to.

A-Brendon..
B- Are you okay Anna?
A-Not really, you wanna go for a walk?
B-Sure..

Well that was easy I guess. I pull my sleeves down and try to make it look like I haven't been crying for the last 20 minutes or so. I take a deep breath thinking about what I'm going to say to Brendon and open the bathroom door. I see Brendon slipping on his shoes and a jacket so I do the same. "Hey" He says quietly, not wanting to wake anyone else up. "Hi" I say my voice is shaking from nervousness. He looks at me concerned as we walk out of the bus.

It's slightly cold so I pull down my sleeves. It's a habit that I do when I'm nervous but it's also actually freezing. "Where to?" Brendon asks. "A park?" I suggest. "Sure" He replies before we start walking to the nearest park in silence. It's an awkward silence but I don't really know what to say. I'm not even sure if Brendon knows why I wanted to talk to him.

Once we arrive at the park, which was only a 5 minute walk we sit under a tree. The ground is slightly wet but I don't really mind. "So.. What did you want to talk about?" Brendon asks getting to the subject instantly. I pick at the grass, not really wanting to admit to what I did. I can tell he's looking at me but I can't look at him. I don't want to see the disappointment in his eyes. "Anna what did you do?" He asks sternly trying to get me to answer him. I sigh and try to tell him. "I... Ah..this.. Morning.." Is all I can manage to say as I'm choking back tears. "Did you...?" Brendon asks mumbling the end so I don't hear.

I don't reply, instead I pull up my sleeves to show him. I glance at the cuts to notice they're still slightly bleeding. Brendon doesn't say anything just runs his fingers along them which makes me wince. "Oh. Shit sorry Anna.. I didn't think" He stutters, scared that he's hurt me. "Its fine" I mumble. But I still can't look at his face.

"Why?" He asks breaking the silence and I finally look at him. Is he crying? Why would he be?

I just shake my head. I can't tell him. I want to but I can't. "Anna you can't say it's nothing, otherwise you wouldn't of done that" Brendon says while looking over my arms. I don't say anything, I just sit there letting the tears flow down my face for the second time today. He sighs and tells me to tell him when I'm ready. I am ready to tell him, I'm just not ready for his response.

We sit under the tree looking at the clouds. Not saying anything unless it's pointing out a weird looking ones. It's weird how he can just move on from stuff I tell him and not bring it up, but it's good. "That cloud looks like Petes dick" Brendon says some how with a straight face. "And you've seen Petes dick?" I ask trying to be serious. "Yes, and I'm guessing you have since you are obsessed with his band" I'm not gonna lie I have seen his nudes which are all over the Internet. "Shh.. Don't tell him I've seen them, that would be totally awkward" I say not being able to contain my laughter anymore. We both laugh and go back to silence and looking for more weird shaped clouds.

The silence is broken by the sound of me getting a text. At first I think it's Brendon's but he tells me he didn't bring his.
Patrick<3- Hey Anna, where are you? And are you with Brendon. He magically disappeared as well.
Me-Yeah we just went for a walk since we both couldn't sleep.
Patrick-Okay be back soon, we're heading off soon
Me-Okay :)

"Patrick?" Brendon asks once I glance away from my phone "Yup they're leaving soon so we should head back. Don't want to be left behind" I say before attempting to stand up but failing and falling down straight away. I guess my legs are kinda numb from sitting for so long. Of course Brendon laughs before helping me up. "Hey.. Brendon?" I ask kind of awkwardly. "Yeah?" He asks slightly confused "Do I look like I've been crying?" I ask shyly. "No, do I?" He asks in reply. Of course trying to be funny and lift the mood. I shake my head and give him a light, short hug.

When I go to pull away he pulls me back for a longer, tighter hug. "Thanks" I mumble into his jacket. "For what?" He asks confused for a moment. "For this, for not pressuring me to tell you straight away, for everything" I say not really knowing where that came from. He just nods and gives me a little squeeze before letting go. We start to make our way back to the bus in silence. But this time it's a comfortable silence.

Maybe Brendon will help me. I kind of want him to. I need him to I just can't tell him that. Hopefully he can figure it out before its to late.