All in Time

Chapter 21

  It's Wednesday and I'm sitting in Rose's car. I feel slightly embarrassed that my technically younger sister has to drive me to a psychiatrist. It's sad and pathetic.

  I zoned out until Rose shook me, making me get out of her car. Her admittedly nice car. I guess that working gets you lots of money if you do it long enough. I wouldn't know. I can't keep one job for more than a few months.

  I walked into the doctor's office reluctantly, a little intimidated by the atmosphere. I hadn't been in one of these offices for a little less than a year now and I was not happy to be in one again.

  "Oh, hello, David," A soft voice said. At least it was a calm person.

  "Hey," I mumbled.

  "Here, have a seat," The doctor said, patting the chair next to hers. I was a little frightened of how nice she seemed to be. I have no clue why, I just was.

  I still sat down, though. It's easier to bend to people's will than to fight them. I'd learned that the hard way.

  "So, David, my name is Ms. Paint. It's nice to meet you," The woman smiled warmly and held out a pale hand. It was only a shade darker than my own. I shook it gently, not wanting to be rude.

  "How are you today? And be honest with me. I'm here to help," Ms. Paint asked in that sickly sweet tone therapists always use.

  "Okay, if I'm entirely honest, I feel pretty shitty. I didn't sleep last night," I confided. Bending to people's wishes.

  "And why do you feel bad?" She delved further. I groaned a little.

  "I just said it. I didn't sleep," I grumbled. I was tired and grumpy. This is what made me have that argument with Karkat.

  "Well, was there something that was keeping you from sleeping?" She questioned. I shrugged and Ms. Paint urged me to tell her what's wrong. I bent again.

  "I- I've just been having nightmares. Staying awake is the only way to avoid them," I replied finally. I fidgeted a little. Ms. Paint took notice and wrote in her notepad.

  "Are the nightmares connected or are they random?" She just wouldn't stop asking questions. That is what psychiatrists do, I suppose.

  "Yeah, I guess,"

  "What are they about?" No. No. I'm not answering that. It'll make them worse. I shoved my face into my jacket collar, not wanting to answer. I was being childish

  "David, please, just tell me. This information is confidential. It's not being shared with anyone," Ms. Paint told me. Bend.

  "Um, they're about my older brother. I don't live with him, though, so it doesn't matter anymore," I said.

  "What exactly happens in these nightmares?" Bend.

  "I remember stuff and then wake up sweating."

  "What type of things do you remember?" Close.

  "The scary stuff,"

  "What scary things?" Even closer.

  "My brother,"

  "What about your brother scared you?" Snap.

  I shot up from my chair and walked over to the window. I didn't want to answer some random fucking lady I just met! How did I know that she wouldn't tell everyone? That's right, I didn't. This was a waste of time and I know a lot about wasting time.

  "David, sit down,"

  "No! You can't make me answer you," I didn't quite shout. I felt my heart jump into my throat and I attempted to swallow it down.

  "David, I need to know so that I can help you," Ms. Paint stayed calm, despite my rampaging.

  "That's not true. People say that they'll help me, but I'm a lost cause. Even my boyfriend thinks that," Wrong, Dave. That wasn't the right answer. He cares too much and I refuse his help.

  "Is that true?" Ms. Paint asked. I broke. I started crying and crouched on the floor, trying to hide from the world. I heard Ms. Paint walk up behind me.

  "Is it?" She asked again, but quieter this time. I shook my head, choking out a 'no'.

  "The part about me being a lost cause is true. It's just that my boyfriend doesn't think that. It makes me angry that he won't just give up on me, but it also would kill me if he left. I'm stuck and I don't know what to do." I explained.

  "Okay. I'll prescribe you some insomnia medication and see if it works. I made sure not to give you anything you've had before. Your sister made sure to tell me about your failed trials before now," Ms. Paint said. I just nodded weakly and let a few more tears drip down my face before wiping them away.

  "David, do you promise to come back and get more help?" She asked me seriously.

  I had to think this over. I wanted to stop feeling like a worthless piece of shit who survives solely on other people's money and sympathy, but I didn't want to go through the work to get there. I want to work, but I can't make myself do it. Maybe this will help. Maybe, just maybe.

  "Okay, I promise." I said. She smiled and handed me the slip of paper with my medication on it.

  I walked out of the office and I was greeted with Rose's face right in front of my own.

  "So, what happened? I heard shouting," She said. Shit, she heard that. I completely forgot that the people outside of the office night be aware of my little temper tantrum.

  "I just talked, broke down a little, got a prescription, and scheduled another appointment," I said, not wanting to be emotional after freaking out in the doctor's office.

"Good. Let's go get you that medicine, okay?" Rose said. I agreed and walked out of the clinic with her, getting in her car and driving to the pharmacy. I went to CVS, but I didn't see Karkat there. I was just a little bit happy about that. I wanted to wait for him to notice my possible progress.

_______________________________________

Yes Dave. Good Dave. You're getting the help you need.

Random PSA: If you feel like you're about to have a breakdown and your thoughts and/or actions are hindering you, talk to someone. It doesn't have to be an actual psychiatrist. It can be a school guidance counselor or even your friends and/or family. Just do it.

Okay, now that I've reverted back to my toxic normal self, let's talk business.

This is starting to end. We have roughly 5(?) chapters to go. So, just be prepared.

Okay, I'll leave. Tchüss~

~Ghostie