Tainted

Kabanata 45

"You are making me worried, Zandra," aniya sa malamlam na boses.

I inhaled and exhaled to calm myself. Pumikit ako ng banayad at hinayaan ang sarili na papasukin ang isiping gagawin ko ngayon. I need to accept what I need to do right now. No more turning back. No more breaking down.

"I have to do this. I promise, I will not break down," usal ko.

Nagkatinginan kaming dalawa ni Andrew. He held my hand and massaged it. He is such a gentle person. Kung hindi siya ang kasama ko ngayon, hindi ako mapapanatag. Last time, I just freaked out and didn't realize what was happening. Pero ngayon, pinaghandaan ko itong maigi.

"Before we go there, I have to give you this..." aniya. Hindi binitiwan ng isang kamay niya ang akin habang may inaabot sa likod ng sasakyan.

Isang itim na folder din ang kaniyang kinuha kagaya ng mga nasa akin. It holds the same title, 'Articles about the Case'.

"Andrew..." paniningit ko nang umawang ang bibig niya para magsalita.

"Zandra, let me tell something about what's inside, okay?" aniyang nakikiusap. "Kung naipaliwanag ko na ang lahat at ayaw mo pa rin itong mabasa, then I will burn the pages immediately. Hindi mo na ito makikita," aniya. "But I am so sure you won't let me burn such important thing."

I breathe in and out again. "Alright. Speak," utos ko at humalukipkip.

I saw a hint of amusement in his eyes. Bumaba ang tingin niya habang tumataas ang gilid ng labi. Dahil doon ay napagtanto kong hindi masama ang ipapaliwanag niya gayung ganito siya at nagawa pa ring maging pilyo.

Ilang segundo lang ay sumeryoso uli siya. Umupo siya ng tuwid at tumikhim.

"Tama ka sa mga sinabi mo kanina. The articles here were all about what happened to you," aniya. "Natigil ang kaso nang mamatay siya, Zandra. So the court weren't able to continue the process. Ang sabi dito, hinayaan na lang ng korte ang kaso dahil iyon din ang pakiusap ng mga magulang mo. They didn't want to traumatize you even more."

I still know that part, though. But I listened to him anyway.

"His parents talked to your mother, Zandra," untag niya. "Nakiusap sila na nais nilang magkaroon ng maayos na burol at libing ang kanilang anak. They didn't want the media to roam around the place, follow them anywhere so that they could get any information about your case."

Tumagilid ng upo si Andrew upang makaharap ako. I did the same. I have to look in his eyes while he's explaining everything to me.

"Pumayag ang parents mo sa gusto nilang mangyari. Apparently, they didn't want the media to interrupt your family too. Nang dalhin ka sa ibang bansa ay saka lang natapos ang lahat," aniya.

"So? That's it? Hindi ko alam ang tungkol sa pakiusap ng mga magulang niya. Iyon ba ang kailangan kong malaman?" tanong ko.

Tumungo si Andrew. He opened the folder. I gasped so hard when the first thing I saw inside was his picture. Andrew immediately crumpled it.

Natataranta ang kaniyang mga mata nang tingnan ako. "Hindi ito ang gusto kong una mong nakita. I'm sorry. Your copy doesn't have one," usal niya na may bakas ng pag-aalala.

Huminga uli ako ng malalim matapos ay tumango. He smiled to. It's like he is proud of my composure.

"This is what I want you to see," kinuha niya ang isang papel na kasunod ng litrato ng lalaking iyon.

Nagtaka ako nang makitang sulat-kamay ang nasa isang papel na iyon.

"Your... The one you thought was your father, wrote this letter for you," aniya.