Cold Heart

An Evil Man

I woke up to a hand tapping me ever so softly on the shoulder, almost nervously. I flinched, batting the hand away and rubbing my eyes to see who it was. My eyes stung, and I'm sure they were horribly red from the amount of crying that had consumed me the night before. It was pathetic, it really was. 

As the clarity of my vision returned I recognized the person immediately. She still hovered over me, her black braid hanging not too far from my face. I took in a sharp breath and sat up, staring up at her in annoyance. 

After a few seconds of silence she simply asked "Are you okay?"

Every instinct in my body said to just say I was fine. But I looked at her with a wary trust and simply shook my head. I was burning with anger and wallowing in sadness. I was nowhere near okay. 

She didn't press me any further.

"I befriended Fishlegs, and I must say, all the boys are quite smitten with me. It is a surprisingly unintelligent clan you left behind Hiccup." She paused and then said softly, almost as an afterthought. "And to think they raised a child like you."

She let out a small, nervous cough. "And umn, well, they're all scared of you. Particularly after yesterday. Snotlout didn't believe it, actually, and after he did he just got this terrified look on his face... Tuffnut just kind of stared before trying to joke it off, and Ruffnut followed his lead. Fishlegs was just utterly crushed. Apparently he liked you a tiny bit more than the others. Not that he showed it. And well, Astrid already knew. Like she didn't say she did, but she wasn't even surprised at the news."

I interrupted her. "She's known since the beginning. She saw me in my new garb when I first stole the book. It was probably a year ago now. The only thing she didn't know was how Stoick treated me, because I know she knew that the others beat me up." My voice was bitter, but my face was impassive. I didn't care about what Astrid did or didn't know anymore. Everyone knew everything. 

Heather's eyes widened. "She... She was broken though, Hiccup. She cried for longer than I thought she would, and she cried in front of everyone too. It's like you broke the walls that she always keeps around her with your words. She felt like all the words that were exchanged were her fault, and in making those words happen she betrayed her chief of happiness. She didn't feel bad for him, but she felt goddamn bad for Stoick."

I snorted. "Well, she was the cause of that argument happening at that particular time. There's no lie there. She just wasn't the cause of the many, many events that happened to make those words even exist in the first place. She, if anything, didn't ruin me."

Heather gave me a patronizing glance. "You are only ruined because you insist that you are."

"What?"

"You are only ruined if you assume that you are." Heather stared at me, her gaze sharp and unyielding.

I got to my feet slowly. "I do not think you have the right to claim you know anything about my life, Heather." I had tensed, my entire essence burning with anger. 

She took an intimidating step towards me until she was close enough I could feel her breath on my face. "I know my life, Hiccup, and we are more alike than you realize. Basically nonexistent parents, people that underestimated and destroyed us day by day, and then a dragon that saved us. Then the battles and the threats and the thirst for revenge that lasts so long that our fire isn't even fire anymore, it's burning coals."

I took in a sharp breath. That was the very analogy I always used. I opened my mouth to respond with something, but she interrupted me. 

"And Hiccup, I know you want revenge. You want them to scream and cower like you did. You want them to understand how you felt. You want to destroy the thing that hurt you most, emotionally and physically. That thirst for revenge is in me too. Do you know what I would do to get my axe up against the throats of Alvin or Drago? Anything."