Love, Mom

Nightmares

April 13, 2016

Dear kids,

I didn't plan on writing this but I'm up and I figured you would find out eventually. So there's probably going to be times in life when you're younger and you come in the room in the middle of the night because you had a nightmare. Don't be afraid, I get them too.

Except mine are the kind that have yet to go away. Most are flashbacks of specific things I've had happen to me when I was younger. If you see me already awake when you come in don't worry, this is a normal thing. If I'm crying when you enter in, don't worry, this is also normal unfortunately. I know I'm supposed to reassure you that they will go away, but I don't even know when they will. It's been 6 years nearly 7 now and I still wake up thinking my life is being endangered.

For the sake of the situation I won't go into it because you don't need to know really. But know that you aren't alone when you're going through struggles in life or have these absurd nightmares leaving you crying or screaming. Yes they're scary, but I can promise you right now, you will never have to experience one of a traumatic event happening to you directly. And if by some terrible event you do, well it won't be from me or from your father.

I mainly just wrote this to ease my mind, I'm still trying to convince myself that I'm safe even when I feel I'm not. I guess that's part of life and you never truly escape the things you wish to forget. If you must know what they're about all I can say is they're stemmed from a woman who was too young to care for children she shouldn't have been burdened with. And no this is not your grandma.

I love you guys and I really hope you know that. Even though you're not here yet, I still love the thought of knowing one day I will get to meet you.

Love,
Mom (20)

**To my readers,**

This is honestly the most vulnerable I've been on social media probably about this. Yes I use nightmares in my stories but it's easier for me to do that than to admit it like this. Don't worry, I'll be fine, I just haven't healed from some things of my past and it affects me when I'm stressed more than anything. Just to clarify the nightmares are mainly about abuse I endured from a woman I no longer have anything to do with. I wasn't going to be updating at all but I felt the need to write this. I appreciate everything you guys do for me and all the support, it means the world.

Take care,
Ashley