"Because you're not ready."
"Jesus Christ why does everyone think they know me better than I know myself? I'm ready Lexie. I love Liam and I want to do this!" I tell her giving her the same speech I've been practicing since I decided to move in with Liam. I knew this conversation with Lexie would come eventually. What I didn't expect was to not believe what I'm saying as the words come out of my mouth.
"Like it or not I do know you. And the way you're acting lately isn't the Liv I know. You're partying all the time, talking differently, dressing differently. I mean look at that dress! You look good don't get me wrong but 8 months ago you never would've went out like that!"
"Do you realize how much has happened in those 8 months Lex? First boyfriend, lost virginity, got cheated on, lost an amazing internship, fell in love with Liam, graduated college, broke up with Liam, got in a major car accident, had multiple major surgeries, got back together with Liam, went on tour with fucking One Direction. Did you ever think that maybe all of that changed me?"
"I just don't want you to lose yourself. I get being with Liam seems like the most important thing right now. But he's only the second guy you've been with. I'm afraid you don't know yourself enough to know what you want." She says and I can hear the concern in her voice. I have to stop myself from correcting her. Technically I've been with 3 guys now.
"I'm not losing myself. I love Liam. I want to be with him." I assure her using only half the truth. I want to be with Liam. But I also want to be with Harry. She's exactly right in saying I don't know what I want. It makes me think I really can't stay mad at her for being right.
"I'll tell you what I told him. I'll do my best to support you. But if I see you hesitating at all I won't be able to hold my tongue. You're my best friend and I love you. I just want what's best for you."
"Thanks Lex. I love you too." I tell her, giving up the defensive act and going in for a hug. I have to admit it does feel better to not be fighting with Lexie. I know I can't confide everything that's going on in her. But at least I know she's there if I need her.
"And can you stop being mad at Niall too? He feels bad but he was in such a tough position. You shouldn't have put him there in the first place."
"Yeah. Ok. I guess you're right. I'll give you that." I begrudgingly admit. In reality I'm also angry at Niall for not telling me about Harry's feelings for me. He could've warned me but he didn't. So instead Harry caught me with my guard down and I'm in the middle of a huge mess. Not that it's all Niall's fault. But he definitely could've helped prevent it.
"Good. He's been letting the fact that you're mad at him eat him up. It's pretty sweet actually."
"I'll talk to him later. Looks like he's having fun now." I tell her, gesturing to where Niall is sat next to Louis taking shots. "So now that we aren't fighting. Can I ask what you figured out about an apartment?" I ask cautiously.
"Funny you should mention that." She says ominously. I'm about to ask her what she means when I feel arms around my shoulders.
"You're looking at her new roomies!" Gemma shouts from behind me. When I turn around I see El is with her too.
"No way! You three are moving in together?" I ask in disbelief while I hug the other girls before they sit down in the booth next to us.
"Yup! Lexie found an amazing 4 bedroom house right in the middle of the city. It has a garden and a huge fireplace, huge rooms. When she came to us we just couldn't pass it up!" El gushes.
"Four bedrooms?" I ask cautiously.
"Well originally you were supposed to be the 4th roommate. But it's cheap enough to where we should be able to afford it splitting 3 ways." Lexie explains.
"That's awesome! I didn't realize you guys were even hanging out."
"That's what you miss when you spend your summer in the states!" Gemma reminds me.
"Yeah I had to find some people to hang out with. I would've gone crazy here all alone this summer." Lexie says.
"What? Couldn't hang out with Dustin?" I tease her.
"Oh god don't even start with that." Lexie says, rolling her eyes.
"Guys, I need to go dance before I get drunk and go talk to Louis." El says suddenly. When I follow her gaze I can see she's staring at her ex, still drinking with Niall. I don't think he's even looked over here once.
We all agree and head out to the dance floor to help El take her mind off things. We're having a blast dancing with each other while the guys drink. But I can't help but enjoy the eyes I feel on me. Liam has no shame. His eyes are constantly meeting mine from where he stands on the upper level above the dance floor. Harry on the other hand is being more discrete. He has to be. I see him talking to a girl but I can tell he's not really interested. She's his cover. Her back is to the dancefloor so it looks like he's engaged in talking to her but his eyes keep flitting away towards me. We keep the drinks flowing while we dance so eventually it means I have to stop and take a bathroom break. I wander off from the girls and find the bathroom quickly. I get in and get out but as I'm walking out the door I feel a body collide with mine and push me back inside.
Harry's lips find mine immediately while he walks me backward. His hands are gripping the back of my head, pulling it back slightly so I can reach his mouth. He surprised me but it doesn't take too long for me to get up to speed and start kissing him back. Somehow I don't think I remembered how good kissing him felt. As he backs me against the wall his hands move from my neck, down my body to rest on my hips. He pulls me close to his body while his tongue weaves with mine. I wrap my arms around his neck and tug at the ends of his long hair while I suck on his bottom lip. I can feel him softly moaning against my mouth and I know I'm probably doing the same. Without any warning his hands tighten on my hips and he lifts me up on the counter before resuming our kiss. I wrap my legs around his waist and his hands creep up my legs until they're under my skirt, hovering over my panties.
"Wait. Stop." I tell him once I finally snap out of my trance.
"Why?" He asks looking confused. When I meet his eyes they're still burning with intensity and I have to force myself not to give in.
"Someone could walk in at any moment." I remind him.
"I locked the door." He says with a mischievous smirk. He starts to lean in towards my lips again but I put a hand on his chest to stop him.
"Still. We can't. Not here. Not now." I say trying to convince him and myself.
"Oh I get it. Seeing Liam changed things didn't it?" He asks, realization dawning on his face. But he still doesn't pull away from me.
"No. Yes. I don't know. It did but it didn't. I'm kind of more confused than ever." I admit.
"It's ok Liv." He says gently, cupping my cheek in his hand. "I know this is hard for you. I'm not pressuring you. I just want to be with you when I can. Which is now."
"Are you sure? I mean this can't be easy on you either." I remind him.
"It isn't. But I know what I want and I'm willing to wait."
"Thank you." I tell him earnestly before leaning forward to kiss him again, gently this time. He's been so great with all of this. I guess if there's a guy you're going to cheat on your boyfriend with, Harry is a good one at least.
"I should probably let you go." He mumbles against my lips after a few minutes.
"You go first. I'll follow in a few minutes." I instruct him. The last thing we need is for anyone to see us coming out of the bathroom together.
"You know where to find me if you need me." He says before leaning in to kiss me one last time before walking out.
I wait another 2 or 3 minutes before leaving and going back to our table. By this point everyone is drunk and ready to go home. When we get there I can tell Liam wants to have sex. I guess I can't blame him. I would under normal circumstances. But it still doesn't feel right when I just had to convince myself not to do it with Harry in the club at the bathroom. So when he goes to the bathroom to brush his teeth I lay down in bed and pretend to fall asleep. I know I'll have to figure this all out eventually. But for right now I'd rather not think about which guy I'm going to have to hurt in the end of all of this.
Chapter 16
Start from the beginning
