No Happy Ending

Chapter 16: "Why?"

I was too shocked to move. Did I hear correctly? Did he just call me by my christian name? I was shaken from my trance when Alexandria came up to me and tugged at my apron. Looking down, I see her smiling up at me and absentmindedly, I smile back. "Alexandria? What is it?"

In answer, she turns and points to Roy who is at present avoiding my gaze. Without saying anything, she takes my hand and pulls me along until I'm standing beside Roy's bed. I turn to her and am about to ask what exactly is going on, when I see that she is no longer standing next to me, she is not even in the room for that matter.

Sighing inwardly, I turn back to Roy, thousands of questions run wild inside my head. Thankfully, my heart rate has slowed down and my breathing has returned to normal. Of all the questions that I wanted to ask, only one word came out, "why?" The silence became heavier with each passing second and I became impatient, "what were you thinking ?! Do you have any idea how scared Alexandria was? How scared I was?! In all the years I have worked here, never once have I lost a patient so don't you dare be the first!" I paused to catch my breath and was shocked to find that during my rant, I had begun to cry. Taking a deep shuddering breath, I look up and meet his eyes, not caring if he saw me cry. What I saw in his eyes took me by surprise; I saw shock, remorse and a tiny bit of relief.

Not being able to think coherently, I smooth my hands on my apron and turn to leave. I am surprised when I feel a hand on my arm, stopping me. Looking down, I see that it is Roy's hand. "Why do you care so much about what happens to me?" I was not prepared for the question so it took me a little while to arrange my hectic thoughts.

I swallow hard before answering, "I am a nurse and you are my patient. If I did not care then I would consider myself to be in the wrong field of work." I looked him in the eye as I spoke and was relieved at how steady my voice sounded. I felt his hand drop from my arm but he held my gaze and for once it was me who looked away.

Stepping back, I flash a tight smile before turning and leaving the room before my emotions took control. I walk quickly down the hall and out the main doors. Seeing no one, I turn in the direction of my home and make a run for it, but I did not even make it off the hospital grounds when the barely restrained tears began to flow. First I slowed to a walk and then I stopped all together, collapsing into a trembling heap for all to see, but I was beyond caring. It was not yet midday but I knew that I would not last the day. My tears only became worse when I felt a pair of arms encircle me and pull me close and I was relieved when I heard Evelyn's voice soothing me with soft nonsense words. After a good while, my tears stopped and the hiccups set in. I felt Evelyn's hands rub circles on my back and I leaned in closer, needing the comfort that only a friend could offer.

"What happened Irene? Hmm? What made you collapse like this?" Her voice remained gentle and I smiled to myself.

Taking a deep breath, I drew a little distance away from her so that I could look her in the eye, "I-I don't really know."

Evelyn raised an eyebrow at my answer and smiled gently, "come now Irene, we both know that isn't entirely true. What really happened?"

Knowing that I could not get out of this, I decided to tell her only what she needed to know, "my patient tried to take his life." Just thinking about it and my mixed emotions, I looked away from her.

"Oh Irene," Evelyn's tone was sympathetic, "I do not know what to say."

Looking up, I smile sadly and shake my head, "there is no need to say anything Ev. I just need you to tell the head nurse of the Rehab Ward that I will not be in for the rest of the day. I-I-I just can't."

Evelyn nodded and laid a gentle hand on my arm, "I will Irene. Go home and get your mind into some kind of order and perhaps, when you are ready, you will tell me the rest."  I narrowed my eyes, did she know something that I did not? I wanted to ask but she gestured for me to head home before I could even utter a word.