Two shoes (Nathan Sykes Fan-Fic)

Chapter 28

"Yes... Right... Oh my God! Well err," Max paused and looked at me suddenly then he turned and walked into another room. I stood up slowly, pressed my ear to the door and glanced through the glass pane. Max hung up the phone and put it into his pocket. He sighed loudly and rubbed his chin nervously.

"What is it?" Siva asked, concern evident on his face.

"They found Alex's car." Max looked a bit teary. I sometimes forget how easily it is to get attached to someone.

"So? That's good isn't it?" Siva asked becoming increasingly confused as was I.

"They found it at the bottom of a lake. They said it was their only lead so they're going to keep an eye out for more leads but they think it's a real possibility that Alex might have drove the car in on purpose so they're searching the lake for bodies." My heart dropped, a sob erupted from my chest and it took every power within my being to stay silent so that they didn't know I was eavesdropping.

"Oh God."

"I know. How are we going to tell Nathan?"

"What do you mean how? You're not actually thinking of telling him are you?" Siva asked accusingly.

"Seev he's got to be realistic!" Max exclaimed.

"No he hasn't! Leave him with some hope Max! You know what he's like! He started cutting again because he thought that let her down, if you tell him that she's possibly dead he's just going to blame himself and who knows what he's going to do?"

I grabbed my jacket from off the couch and took off running. I didn't want to hear anymore. It is all my fault. I knew the gig was a stupid idea, if I had just stood my ground Lexi would be safe right now... It's all my fault. I ran into the toilets, went into the end stall and pulled a small piece of glass out of my jacket pocket that I keep there for when I need it and dug it into my skin. The dull pain comforted me momentarily but then the searing pain took over, all too familiar but not enough to stop me. I watched a few drops of blood hit the floor before wrapping my jacket around my arm to soak up the blood. I heard voices further away and in a panic, left my piece of glass lying on the floor.

I ran again, thankfully the guards had gone to escort fans off the premise so I was able to get away quickly. I ran until my legs ached and my asthma was playing up but found myself in a place I'd been before. I'd been here before and I sat on the edge and looked down and backed out. I'd decided not to back out this time. Lexi might be dead and if she wasn't then she'd never forgive me so what was the point? What's the point in anything?

The bridge was large and impressive but most importantly, over a medium depth river. It had a footpath on the side of the bridge so I walked along that. Drivers might have noticed me but they probably thought I was just another pedestrian. I jumped up and sat on the rail. I looked down at the crashing waves and prepared myself. Every instinct I had told me to go back onto the path and walk back to the arena. I knew people would miss me and that I was being selfish. My family, the boys, the fans but none of that seemed to matter at that moment, all I knew was that I'd let Lexi down and that I was going to jump.

I shuffled further off the edge so only a bit of me was resting on it and if I lifted my arms up I probably would have fallen down. Okay. I was nervous and reluctant and I didn't have the courage to just go straight away so I started counting down from 10 and after 10 I would jump in the river thus ending my life. 10. 9. 8. 7. 6. 5. 4. 3... I heard something squeak. I looked up and saw a girl sat next to me. She was undeniably beautiful. She had dark, straight, medium length hair and pretty brown eyes. She had smooth tanned skin and she was a bit shorter than me.

"I realised a little while ago that there's only two reasons why someone would come up here. Either to jump off or to stop someone from jumping off and since I see no one else and you don't look very sad I can rule off one of those options. Nathan please come down, think about the fans." She said calmly.

"I'm sorry. I have to do this." I chocked then realised I was crying. Then I noticed the girl looked close to tears as well, I also noticed that she was wearing a TW wrist band. A fan.

"No you don't. Just come down and we'll talk." She continued softly like she didn't want to provoke me. I shook my head and moved closer to the edge

"Nathan please." She exclaimed, grabbing my bleeding wrist. She glanced down at her hands which were now coated in blood and her eyes widened. She stared down at her hands for a little while longer then unwrapped the jacket I put around my arm and gaped at my scars.

"Just come down." She said slowly and carefully.

"No!" I yelled, jerking away from her.

"Wow Nathan I never had you don't as selfish. Do you have any idea how many lives the band has saved? You are the reason hundreds of people are alive right now. If you kill yourself so will they and I don't think you want that on your conscience." I was depressed, shocked and just not thinking properly but suddenly things were back in perspective. I remembered a fan, when I met her she said 'you saved me', I didn't know what she meant at the time but I followed her and scrolled through her time line like the creeper I am. She tweeted that she was going to commit suicide one day but she saw a tweet of mine about being happy and she decided against it. I imaged that fan waking up tomorrow morning and hearing on the news that I had committed suicide and her breaking down. I imagine her logging onto Twitter and seeing everyone else's reactions. I imagined her watching a video of the boys trying to tell people what happened and then all just breaking down in tears and leaving. I imagined her jumping off the bridge instead. I could not do this. If the fans weren't involved then I would do it but the thought of any of them feeling responsible for not sensing my depression broke my heart...

"I... Fine." I turned around and jumped onto the footpath.

"Right. You just did a gig right? I'll walk you back." She smiled happily but she also looked a bit shocked that she could actually convince me to not jump.

"No really, there's no need. You've already done enough." I assured her.

"I don't want to hear it. I want to make sure you get back and don't return to here." She held out her hand and I took it and she guided me back to the arena.

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