Self Hate

20

August

I continuously knocked on the door begging for Orianna to come out the room.

I rested my forehead on the door, "Please open tha' do'."

I heard complete silence making me instantly worry. I banged on the door until I heard the click of the the lock.

Orianna laid on the bed holding onto a pillow for dear life when I walked in.

"Baybeh." I said softly, but I received no answer.

I laid in the bed and wrapped my arms around her waist. She began to try to pry my arms from around her, but I wasn't having it.

"Stop." I told her trying to hold her tighter.

"Let me go, August." Her voice cracked.

"No."

"I hate you so much." She cried.

I'm not going to lie, that really cut deep. But I know she didn't mean that.

"Ori-"

She squirmed away from my grip and ran to the bathroom with the slam of the door following. I sighed, getting tired of her dramatic act.

I walked inside, glad she didn't like the door this time.

"Get out."

"Orianna, talk ta' me." I grabbed her wrists to make her look at me.

"You're so fucking dumb. How could you get her pregnant!" She screamed with tears streaming down her face more rapidly.

I was a bit taken back by her cursing. That let's me know I've really fucked up. I acted on anger and look where it's gotten me.

"Ba-"

"She's having your baby! I hate you." She sobbed.

The more she cried, the more I felt bad. It's like I'm always making her cry and that's the last thing I want to do. It's not intentional.

I pulled her closer to my chest and held her tightly no matter how much she tried to push me away.

There was no way I was going to let her hate me over this.

Orianna

I laid in my bed facing August as he stroked my hair. His eyes searched for some sign of emotion but I felt numb at this point.

The person I love is having a child with some jump off. I can never catch a break. All I want is to be happy.

"I luh you." August interrupted the peaceful silence.

"Are you sure?"

He scrunched up his face, "Why would chu' question dat?"

"You don't constantly hurt people you love."

We've only been together for a couple weeks and our relationship is already a complete mess. It's been fucked up from the beginning.