A Tough Moment

Chapter Seventeen

"Where are you going?" Ethan asked as I put on my jacket and picked up Georgia's rucksack.

"Out." I said shortly, we'd barely spoken since our argument about the baby. I couldn't even look at him after what he'd said.

"Out where?" he questioned.

"I'm taking Georgia to Kirstie's, she likes spending time with Kai and plus it gives me a break." I told him.

"A break from what?" he said quietly.

I ignored him and picked up my bag.

"From me." he asked sadly.

"Yeah from you." I admitted.

"You're not the easiest person to live with at the moment." I added.

He nodded and looked at the floor. I felt like I wanted to shake him. He'd lost all fight and energy, it was like talking to a wall, and I couldn't be bothered to keep hitting my head against it. I had my own things to deal with. If he wasn't going to help himself, then there wasn't much I could do.

"We'll be back in a little while." I reassured him, when I saw his sad expression. The last thing I wanted to do was make him worry that I was leaving him and not coming back.

"Try not to kill Cal while we're gone." I added, taking Georgia's hand.

He smiled slightly and waved at Georgia as we walked away.

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"Oh my god!" Kirstie exclaimed, when I told her about Ethan's diagnosis.

I nodded and sipped some of my tea. My gaze wandered to Georgia and Kai who were happily playing together at the other side of the room.

"How are the two of you doing?" she asked worridly.

"Not great to be honest, we hardly talk and when we do, it's mostly arguing." I admitted.

"Well I'm not surprised, it's a bit of a shock for both of you." she said gently.

"Yeah I guess we just need some time to get our heads around things." I agreed.

"It doesn't help that we keep arguing about the baby." I added.

"Huh?" she frowned.

"He wants me to get rid of it." I said quietly.

"What, why?!" she exclaimed.

"Because the baby tested positive for Huntingtons." I told her.

"Oh my god." she whispered.

"What do you want to do?" she asked.

"I have no idea." I sighed, picking my fingernails. I'd give anything to not have to make a decision like this. No matter what I decided to do, I would have to live with the reprecussions and guilt for the rest of my life.

"I mean I know he's the only one that knows what it feels like to have the condition, but like I said to him, surely thirty five years are better than none." I said thoughtfully.

"Yeah they are, but not only do you have to think about whether the child can cope with it, you also have to think about whether you can." she stated.

"What do you mean?" I frowned.

"Well, you're going to have to watch Ethan slowly fade away, and could you do that if it was your child?" she pointed out.

I paused for a moment, as I thought about what she was saying. I couldn't possibly know if the child would be able to cope with it, how could I possibly know. But on the other hand Kirstie was right, what if the child suffered as a result of the illness? Would he blame me? Was I being selfish for not wanting someone else that I cared about to fade away in front of me? My brain was spinning with all the thoughts. I'd never been very good at making decisions, particularly ones as momentous as this.

"You okay?" Kirstie asked, after I'd remained silent for a while.

"I'm fine, I think I know what I have to do." I whispered, as hot tears rolled down my cheeks.