Thirty Three.

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Songs for this chapter are:

*Taken // One Direction

*I Want // One Direction

*Everything About You // One Direction

*Same Mistakes // One Direction

*

I shuffled away from Louis and knocked over the glass of water that was on the counter behind me. My voice broke through the uncomfortable silence as I uttered a rushed "Fuck, sorry" but he didn't seem to care. His stare was intense as he locked focus with me, not even blinking. It was too intense for me and I had to break away, instead I focused on my hands that had now moved to my lap. "Lou...I..."

"Don't say no just yet." 

"Louis, listen to me. You've only been back in our lives for a few short months and everything has already moved so quickly. I think you need to focus on building a relationship with Isobel before you make hasty decisions." He sighed but stayed put, his hands still at my sides and his body so close to mine. "I'm not saying no forever, just not right now." I squeaked. 

"So...In the future, you'll consider it?" I licked my lips and looked back up to him, but now he was looking down at my lap too. "Yes, I will consider it but in the future. The last few weeks have been amazing and I feel 19 again. But your relationship with Isobel is the most important thing to consider, and she's not going to move in here yet. When she feels ready I will say yes." 

There was a knock at his front door but he didn't react to it. He lifted his hands from the counter and started rubbing them up and down my thighs. "In the future." He repeated my words before pecking me on the lips. There was another knock and my attention was drawn to it, causing us to stop kissing. "Are you going to get that?" 

"Nope." 

He tried to move in and kiss me again but before he could the doorbell rang. "I think they really want you to." He sighed and looked over his shoulder. "Wait here." He jogged away and I hopped off the counter and started to walk round the room. My fingers trailed over every surface and I started to picture myself living here. Imagine cooking in that oven and stacking dishes in the....

"You can't go in there." 

"Why not, this is my house too?" The two voices came closer to me and I froze, seeing a tall blonde guy walk into the kitchen. He stopped when he saw me and started to smile, holding his hand out for me to shake. I took it and he started to talk. "Hi, I'm Sam. I don't think we've met before? Nice to meet you anyway." He was conventionally attractive, nice teeth, green eyes, well dressed and  was taller than me. I wasn't sure how tall he was but he nearly had to duck as he walked under the door frame. 

"Um, Harry, nice to meet you too." He dropped his hand out of the handshake and started pacing round the kitchen. "Sorry I can't stay, I'm just looking for my keys. Left them this morning, I'm such a dozy mess, aren't I Lou?" My eyebrows knitted together and I looked over to Louis who was stood in the doorway, his hands in his pockets and his gaze on the floor. 

There was a jangling as Sam found his keys under a pile of things on the counter and he made a satisfied 'ah' sound. He paced back out the kitchen but returned briefly to peck Louis on the cheek before leaving once again. 

The front door slammed shut and echoed the sound of my heart crunching and falling to the floor. 

Neither of us said anything, and I wouldn't have been able to hear him speak anyway over the hammering pulse that was beating in my ears. I couldn't decide whether it was from anger or betrayal. 

All I wanted to do was march out of the house but I was trapped by Louis standing in my way. So I had no other choice but to stand and look at him as he shifted nervously from foot to foot.  

"So if me and Belle moved in, where exactly would we sleep? It seems like you already have a pretty full house." My voice was surprisingly calm and it gave me the confidence to carry on. 

"It's not like that Harry."

"Does Sam know that? He seemed to think it was very much like that. Oh and that kiss on the way out, nice touch." I started to walk towards Louis, towards the front door to just get out of the house. The air was starting to feel suffocating and I needed to breathe. But as I reached Louis he grabbed me, "Where are you going Harry?"

"I'm leaving, I just need to get out and away from you." I didn't know I was that strong but I managed to push him forcefully away from me and he staggered backwards. "Harry, let me explain." 

"What could you possibly need to explain? I get it. You're with him. You're in love with him and I was just a game. I was your way to get closer to Belle. I am a fucking weak idiot and you know it so you used me."

"I don't think you're an idiot." He was calling after me now as I raced outside and stood on his driveway. 

That's when I realised that Louis had given me a lift here. I couldn't leave without his help. I didn't even know where we were.

 "Come back inside and talk to me." It didn't look like I had any other choice, but I still stubbornly stood still on his driveway, refusing to move. "Harry come inside." His voice was stern like he was instructing me and I was a disobedient child. "Why? So your classy neighbors can't over hear what a piece of shit you are." 

"Don't say that." I could hear his footsteps as he approached me and he stood himself in front of me. His voice genuinely sounded hurt and when I saw his face he looked it too. "If you don't come inside I'll just have to tell you everything here. For anyone walking past to listen to." 

"Go right ahead Louis. See if I give a fuck." He ran a frustrated hand through his hair and huffed. "Fine. Harry I fucking love you please don't leave me. Sam is....he's just Sam. He's there to pass the time. I get so lonely I just find people and trick myself into thinking I love them. I find people that remind me of you in some way. I liked him because he's taller than me and because he has those deep green eyes that you have that just seem to know everything. I'm a bad person for using him, but I am not using you." 

"So where would he go if I said yes to moving in?" 

"I don't know, I don't care, as long as you lived here. I would end it with him tomorrow if it meant you moved in." I covered my face with my hands as I just absorbed everything he said. "I don't believe you anymore." When I pulled my hands away his face looked shocked and he stuttered for the right words to carry on. "I just don't believe you. This was the one and only chance you got Louis, and you blew it. Take me home please." I walked away from him and stood waiting at the passenger side of his car. 

The ride home was unbearable and I spent the whole time digging my nails into my thighs trying not to cry. For some reason it felt worse than the first time he broke my heart because this time everything was so close to being forgiven, everything was so close to working out and that's what was so painful.

I almost had everything I wanted.


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