The Story of Us // L.S

Thirteen.

Songs for this chapter are:

-Jet Black Heart// 5 Seconds of Summer

-Shout About It // The Vamps

-Better // Kodaline

-Can't Help Falling In Love // Elvis Presley

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(Possible Trigger Warnings) 

I twisted my phone around and around in my fingers staring into space. Without blinking I reached for it with my other hand and started to speak. "Maybe I should try one more time?"

"Harry, you've phoned her thousands of times already, she doesn't want to talk. Leave her be." Louis shuffled round my small dining room table and sat down opposite me. He waved his hand in front of my face and I snapped out of my daydream and looked around the room. I was trying to look at anything that wasn't him because I was still so angry at him. But more than anything I was angry at myself. I'd given into him again and invited him into my home, because I wanted to hear him explain everything. 

"She's never been angry at me before Lou, not even when I found her in bed with Jed and kicked him out of the house." I rested my head in the palm of hands and gently shut my eyes. Louis' voice sounded shocked as he spoke: "She's already in bed with boys?!" I didn't have to look at him to know the exact expression on his face, wide eyes and mouth hanging slightly open, his bottom lip jutting out slightly. "Not just any boys either,it was Zayn's son." 

"Zayn has a son?!" I chuckled as his voice got an octave higher and removed one hand to press the home button on my phone, checking it for texts or calls one last time. "You've missed out on so much Lou. It's a long story but Perrie was already pregnant when you left, no-one knew about it so he's very nearly Belle's age. They're the same school year at least. I don't really know how to describe him, he's Zayn when he was 18. Everything we thought was fun when we were kids is not fun from a parent's perspective. I just...I don't think he's good enough for her."  

"Is it her first boyfriend?" He sounded genuinely interested, but not only that, concerned too. I made something inside me twinge and I had to keep my eyes shut to avoid looking at him. If I saw his face it would make my heart stop beating and my brain stop functioning and I couldn't allow that. I needed to at least pretend I was still angry at him. 

I answered him in a low voice: "First proper one" before a silence fell between us and I realised it felt like nothing had changed. He was still the same Louis. He was still funny and caring but he was still wearing a mask. Something had changed him, there was a maturity about him that I'd never witnessed before but he was still mine. 

"Why now Lou?" I pulled my hands away from my face and watched him as he lifted his gaze from the table and let his eyes scan the room. "I didn't plan this. I've always been around, I never really left. I didn't know you would be in that café today and when I saw you come in, and with my umbrella, I thought it was a sign. I thought you still cared." His hands started to fidget because he could never sit still, especially when he was nervous. 

"A lot has changed. For one, I'm not the same person you walked out on. You changed me Lou." My tone was soft and I felt like I was in Dad mode, trying to explain something as sweetly as I could to a child.  "I thought I was doing the right thing Harry, I honestly did." I scoffed at his words and sat back in my seat, trying to create a distance between us. "How could walking out on your husband to-be and a two day old baby be the right thing?" 

"Every time I looked at you I saw the pain of what I had done. I know how much I had hurt you by having an affair and I saw how much it hurt you that I had a baby with them. She gave me something you couldn't give me and that hurt you so much. Every time you looked at me with those sad green eyes I could see it and I hated myself more everyday. It was just one stupid mistake after another and I wish I could go back and erase everything, I wish I could put it all right." 

"I don't." My words shocked me and his head snapped up to look at me. 

"You....don't?" His eyebrows knitted together and I could sense he was getting more uncomfortable. "No. I...well I mean I wish you hadn't have left but I don't regret your affair. Yes, it may have hurt at the time but we got something wonderful out of it: Isobel."

"I only left because I knew I couldn't do it. I saw how good you were with her, Haz. You just knew how nappies worked and you got her to drink out of the bottle straight away after I'd been trying for so long. I wasn't good enough for her and...here's the truth Harry." He took a deep breath and looked away from me. "The letter I left was meant to be a suicide note. I was going to walk to the outskirts of town and stand on that rusty old bridge. I was going to jump." His words grew quieter and quieter as he confessed his story to me and I felt my heart crack and sink in to my stomach. My mouth became dry quickly and I tried to swallow the lump that was forming, but I could just feel bile rising in its place. 

My own voice sounded strained and timid and I was scared it wasn't even me talking anymore."Why didn't you?" I asked it even though I was scared to know the answer. 

"I...I was stood there, on the bridge, and it was freezing. I don't think I've ever been so cold in my life. I was wearing this thin grey jumper and nothing on underneath. I hadn't planned on it being so cold and I convinced myself it didn't matter anyway. I'd walked all the way from our house to the bridge and I told myself that I wasn't going to be cold much longer. I told myself I was going to jump. 

I was shivering and was about to do it. I was about to just simply step off the edge. I only managed to lift my foot half way when I heard a voice. 

Someone was telling me to stop Harry. There was someone there to save me." He stopped talking for a brief second and I reached up to wipe a tear from under my eye. "They talked me down and we just sat on the side of the road all morning. He gave me his jacket but I didn't even notice because I was crying so much. We just talked and cried and everything didn't seem so bad. 

After that they let me sleep it off on their sofa and somewhere along the way we become best friends. I officially moved in with them and they signed me up for counselling. I've been going ever since." 

"So why didn't you just come home?" 

"Because I wasn't good enough and I didn't want to mess up either of your lives more than I already had. Look what happened today. That's exactly what I didn't want."

"Why didn't you just tell me Lou? Why didn't you say you were having trouble? We could have talked about it. We could have done something, together. Like other couples. Did you not love me enough?"

"That's exactly it. I loved you too much. I still do. Every beat of my heart screams your name and it always will. I thought that walking out meant you could be happy, you could find someone that deserved you." 

I looked up to the ceiling hoping the tears wouldn't fall and roll down my cheeks anymore. I took a deep breath and opened my mouth to speak, but my words cracked and it was obvious I was choked up. "But you made me happy. All I wanted was you to come back. I loved you." 

"Loved Haz. You loved me."

"Love. I love you."