It Never Is Simple

Chapter Thirteen

Numb. That's all Beca could feel.

Kiss?

Chloe and Ashley?

Why didn't Chloe pull away from Ashely's touch?

Why did it hurt so fucking much seeing those two together?

Because she loves her?

Then this sucks, this fucking sucks. Feelings and emotions suck.

Beca wasn't mad at Chloe though, she's not even mad at Ashley. Because Beca knows she never deserved to be loved. Whenever she let's her wall down, and allows somebody in, Beca ends up being hurt. Her heart has already been shattered into pieces so many times, and now, she's just tired of collecting her pieces of her heart. Why mend a broken heart when you know it's going to break again? Tonight has been too much for Beca.

Since her mother's death, and Ashley leaving her. Beca learned to keep her heart guarded. She created this small world where only her and music exists. She has been fine with that until Chloe barged in to her showers, and life without any warning. Chloe was everything Beca wasn't. She pushed Beca into understanding that it is okay to care for people, it is okay to love. So Beca cautiously showed the real her, bit by bit, to her favourite redhead. She started to notice the little things of Chloe. She knows when to bring Chloe coffee, her favourite order of course. She knows every one of Chloe's must watch movies, although they're all pretty lame and cheesy. She knows everything about Chloe, and surprisingly, Chloe knows everything about her too. It feels good, having someone that cares for you.

Beca should've known, things were too good to be true, she should've seen this coming. She never should've let her walls down, the walls were there for a reason, to protect her. Now? After naively believing that it's okay to be yourself, to love, she still ended up being punched right in the face, and hard. All she could blame right now? Well, is herself. Yeah, she's the reason of her own tragedy.

Then there's Ashley, the girl Beca knew too well, to an extent that brings out fear. She knew something bad is going to happen with the dark haired girl back in her life. Even though the brunette really despised her ex-bestfriend right now, she is in no place to blame her or to be mad at her. Chloe and Beca, Bechloe, was never a thing. Chloe can date whoever she wants, even when the other half is a real life Regina George. Anger hasn't taken over Beca's head, so at least she is still rational enough to think clearly, kind of. That's the only reason Ashley's face still looks human right now, safe from Beca's fist.

There's only one thing Beca wanted to do now, she wanted to get wasted. She wanted to be freed from all those nasty hurtful emotions. The brunette dragged herself to the drunk crowd and filled her cup with cocktail, she gulped down the entire cup within 3 seconds. She then snatched a bottle vodka from a random guy, her orbs were dark and cold, and she kept her gaze on the angry guy, the dude opened his mouth wanting to argue but shut it when he saw the shorter girl's furious glare. He tried stuttering a few words but then ran off muttering a 'have it but don't hurt me'. Amused by the guys frightened reaction, the brunette smirked and brought the bottle to her mouth, enjoying the liquid burning down her throat. Numbness, that's what she needed.

The brunette could feel her walls up again, her heart is now secure behind the tall walls and thankfully, she feels stronger. Beca kind of knows that she's being an asshole right now, not giving Chloe a chance to explain, and being this god damn sentimental in public, she hated this side of herself, she's a badass. But the brunette literally doesn't want to give any fucks now, she sort of just, switched off her emotions by drinking alcohol.

"Becs? I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you,"a voice spoke from behind, Beca grimaced at the voice. Not even bothering to turn around, she just held up a middle finger, hoping Ashley could get the message and leave her alone. Yet again, Beca was being too naive. With a swift motion, Beca was swung around, forced to face her worst nightmare. The brunettes bored expression was met with a (fake?) concerned one, and Beca mentally scoffed, she never knew she could see that on Ashley's face again.