Band Oneshots

Ben Bruce - I Can't Do This Any More

-TRIGGER WARNING-

(contains self harm and a suicide attempt)

It was a scorching hot day and I was just packing away all of the leftover merch when a god awful screech came from behind me. At first I thought it was a whale mating call but then I realized it was only Ben. I work as a merch girl for Asking Alexandria. I love my job and all but let’s just say that Ben really dislikes me. 

"(Y/N), what the fuck are you doing?" He screeched in my ear. I turned around to look at him. 

“Umm, I'm packing away the merch?" I made it sound like a question more than a statement. 

“Oh and packing away the merch involved screwing up all of the t-shirts and shoving them away does it?" He yelled. I could see the rage in his eyes. Before I could say anything he picked up one of the boxes and tipped the contents of it on to the floor. 

“God dammit Ben." I said frustrated as he walked away.  I felt my eyes begin to well up. He was another person in the world who hated me. Heck my own parents hated me. But not for much longer, soon I would be off of this earth once and for all. I snapped myself out of my thoughts and began picking up the spilled contents while silently planning how to end my life. I was fed up of all of the hate and heartbreak I had suffered over the years. I had had enough of being constantly put down by Ben. Well he wouldn't have to do it any more because soon enough I’ll be gone. It would be like I never existed. I quickly loaded the merch on to the bus and headed inside. When I entered only Ben was sat in the front lounge. The others must have gone out drinking. I casually walked past Ben and through to the bunks. He muttered ‘whore’ under his breath but I brushed it off. I couldn't deal with it any more  I grabbed my make-up bag out of my bunk and headed in to the bathroom. Carefully I pulled back the inner casing of the bag to reveal a shiny cold blade. I placed it down on the counter top before rooting through the bathroom cupboard for some type of pills. I found some heavy sleeping pills. I turned around and ran the bath, filling it to just below the top. I grabbed the pot of pills, opened it and poured a large handful out. One by one I swallowed them before getting in to the bath. Just to be sure that this was the end I made some cuts along my hips and arms. I could feel myself becoming really light headed. Without meaning to I knocked the pot of pills off of the bath. They scattered all over the floor and made a lot of noise in doing so. Suddenly there was a knock at the door. 

"(Y/N). Open the door." A very panicked Ben commanded. I stayed put. I couldn't move anyway. “If you don’t open this door in three seconds I will break it down." He said again. “One. Two. Three." He banged against the door violently over and over again, trying to break it down. After about the fifth time the door gave in. It flew open to reveal me lying there barely conscious, barely breathing in the bath. “Oh my god." He whispered. He pulled the plug out of the bath and quickly phoned for an ambulance. It arrived within minutes. I managed to say four words to Ben before I blacked out.

“Ben, don’t hate me." I whispered, and then everything went black.

I woke up to the steady sound of a beeping monitor. Where the hell am I? I slowly opened my eyes to see the worried faces of Asking Alexandria all staring down at me with blood shot eyes. The person that surprised me the most was Ben. His face was red and puffy. It was like he had been crying for hours. 

“What happened?" I asked weakly, startling everyone out of their trances. 

“You tried to commit…" Danny couldn’t bring himself to finish that sentence. He looked at me dead in the eyes. “Why?" He asked, his voice was hoarse, like he was going to start crying. 

“I thought everyone would be better off without me." I replied quietly. 

“We love you (Y/N). We love having you here with us." James said.  

“Please don’t ever do anything like that again." Ben said quietly and slowly. Everyone turned to look at him. “And I don’t hate you (Y/N). I’m really sorry." He said with tears in his eyes. 

“It’s ok Ben. I forgive you." I said seriously. He smiled slightly. “Now when can I get out of here?" I asked quickly. Cameron walked out to get the doctor to sign me out while the others helped me with other things. 

“Ok, you’re all signed out." He announced. 

“Thank god. I hate hospitals." I said cheerily. Once we were all outside Ben pulled me away to talk. 

"(Y/N) I am so so sorry. I didn't mean to be such an ass…" He started to ramble on. 

“Ben. It wasn't just you. It was everything from when I was younger as well  Please don’t blame yourself." I said sternly. He just smiled.

“Ok." He said before continuing to walk back to the bus with me by his side.