I Nerd You, You Nerd me

Chapter Twenty - Lingering Thoughts

(This chapter is in Rogan's POV because every eight chapters it switches to him for his moment in the spot light.)

 I collasped on my bed like a rock sinking into water, sending the soft blankets and pillows beneath me jumping into the air. The fierce kisses left by Belle, burned my lips and jaw with an intensly agonizing feeling. The feel of her hands tracing over my torso and how she tangled her fingers into my hair pulling me closer lingered.

But all I could think about was the look that Cora gave me from the couch.

My heart contracted as if breathing wasn't enough. Her large green eyes were filled with confustion, and were lined with an aching pain.

 I groaned into my pillow. Why had I been with Belle?

 Was it that I couldn't get enoguh of her. Maybe it was that since she was so important in my past she needed to stay within my future for a stable transition, even if just for an hour. Or could it be that somewhere I ached a little for Cora and wanted Belle instead because I can't have what I want, and I don't want to admit to it.

Outside my door I could hear the backround of the television turning back on, mumbling voices and mandatory laughing from the audience slid beneath the crack of the entry to my room.

 I looked at my shirt on my floor. It must have looked bad when I stepped out and slammed my door. My hair was flying in each and every direction while I had stood there shirtless and angry looking. Not to mention I rudely slammed the door in the face of my friend.

 Running a hand through my hair, which was surprisingly soft, I sighed. Why should it matter. Cora was my friend, she needed no explanation, she had someone to occupy her time too. I remember the laugh she laughed as Blondy spoke about something apparently  humorous.

Ricky, that's his name.  Blonde, tall, handsome. What's not to like in him, and if my eaze dropping was accurate slightly athletic in highschool. He's the classic guy. The ones all the girls want but only few can have. So what wasn't to like about how she laughed and got along and went on dates with the seemingly flawless man?

 It wasn't me.

It wasn't me making her laugh over tea, which she almost always got.

It wasn't me who got to take her places and share expiriences with her.

It wasn't me who got to kiss her cheek goodbye at the end of the night politely, why also glaring at the other guys watching her smile.

 But it was m the got to lay on the same couch with her, while watching possibly the nerdiest movies ever.

It was me who got to play dungeons and dragons with her twice to three times a week.

I was just the nerd friend. 

But I was okay with that. I wouldn't want anything with Cora despite how I wanted to try. Try and make her jealous, see how far I could push her till she came falling into my arms. It wasn't my fault my conscience was saddistic and unloving.

It was my fault though that my conscience knew she could be the one to change that.

 But so could any girl. 

 I dragged another hand through my hair, it would soon become oilly if I kept this up. The rants running through my head continued. All I wanted was to be her bestfriend.

 My eyes skimmed the burgandy carpet to the soft knocking that sounded on the other side of the wooden door. I sighed again. I could tell, even though it was soft that it was Mark. He always had the same kocking patern.

Tap.Tap tap. Tap tap tap. Half-tap.

I opened the door slowly poking my head through the door, I looked like death had fallen upon me in the form of a sex crazed look. Mark just rolled his eyes dramatically and pushed me a little opening the door and then entering my room making sure to close the door quietly behind him.

 Mark turned to look at me, pushing his large glasses up the bridge of his nose with his right index finger.

"Ro, ro the hoe hoe, I'm just kidding around. She's not mad," I opened my  mouth to interupt, but he pushed me in a soft manner to be quiet," she's just worried that Belle might have hurt you." His words broke at the end of the sentence. 

My stomach clenched tightly as if the it were to let to my whole body would fall apart from the inside out. Here I was thinking about myself and being selfish, while she sat out there, lonely wondering if the whore of a girl iI'd gone out with had hurt me.

 I looked up at Mark from under my shaggy bangs. " How do you know?" I coughed out trying to get my "manly" voice back. Mark laughed, he knew me too well." We didn't really talk about it, I just asked if she was okay and Cora jsut smiled and said yes, but I hope Rogan is."

 I nodded. 

" You hungry, Cora is but she won't tell me, my sixth sense, "the hunger finder" is acting up and I'm kinda of snackish too," Mark took a breath," What does she eat that we will both eat."

I smiled a little, the corners of my lips twitching upwards.

   I glanced  up from under my thick bangs again.

" Sushi of course."