I Nerd You, You Nerd me

Chapter Twelve - Realization for Him

Rogan's POV

   When I awoke, my sheets were tangled around my legs, the comforter was half off the bed, except for the corner of the green fabric my hands clutched beneath my head. Rain tapped on my window restlessly but softly.

    Just like my sleep.

     Restless.

 By the time I got home it had been twelev am, shortly after my arrival Mark had come lumbering in behind me.  A huge smile played on his lips at first, but as soon as his head turned and caught my eye, dissapointment took over.

    Mark had shaken his head and walked off into his room mumbling and storming about.

    From there on, I'd fumbled with the thought of even sleeping all night. All I could get was restless eye shutter between twenty minute intervals. I must fallen asleep around four am, because my cellphone now read eleven forty seven am.

    My body did not feel full of energy and rest though. I feel like someone took a hammer to my chest and thudded so hard my ribs broke out through my back.

        Or maybe, that wasn't because I didn't not only sleep.

         I decided to be a total and utter dick to Cora.

  Her smile lit up in my mind.  Her laugh ringing through my ears like she was right next to me again, bumping into me and joking. 

   It was soon replaced with the look of her bright green eyes brimmed with light tears and questions. 

  I had left her there. All alone at the bench. 

  Just like the huge dick I was.

 Grabbing the pillow closest to my head, I pulled it under my face and rage yelled into it.

 I only stopped, which was about a minute later when Mark knocked on my door and came in smirking.

     " Well looky hear! Mister McDouche-Bag has awoken," He shook his head grinning with a sad and dissapointed tinge," What have you got to say for yourself mister?"

  I sat  up and turned to him. Mark was already dressed in jeans and a stripped v-neck sweatshirt. His huge glasses making his dissapointment filled eyes even larger. As he shook his head his blonde ponytail swayed.

   " Mark, just go away." I groaned, my hand going to cover my eyes and sweep the hair off my forehead. I sounded whiney. And I was, I was also dissapointed in myself.

     " Oh no," he smirked waggling his index finger back and forth. "You sir-dick-and -fucks-up-a-lot, are going to think why you did that to Cora." I started to open my mouth in protest but Mark cut me off.

  " Nuh-ah-ah, not only did you abandon her, but," he popped the b in but, god he was making me feel worse then I already did, " You lead the sweet and clumsy girl on, AND not only did you shove a huge teddy at her, you held her hand and kissed her cheek!" 

   Mark's face was getting redder and more frustrated by the second. His eyes raging furiously.

     " You're so freakin lucky that girl has a tollerance and looked the other way , despite the way you made her feel," he took a sharp breath in," isolated, teased and used!"

       I looked down in shame, I could feel anger rising up to my chest already.

   " And why Rogan? Why!?" He barked.

    " Fuck off Mark."

    " Because of Belle!"

    I jumped up from my bed then and pushed him out roughly, slamming my door in his face. I crashed back onto my bed and yelled intomy pillows again.

   I'm such a tool.

  And a toddler.

     Belle floated into my head then. Her twinkling laugh echoed, deep brown eyes sparkling with mischief. Red heels clinking against the dirty pavement.  The way she clung loosely to the guy with her, as if just to make everyone jealous.

    Cora waltzed back into the picture next to her.  Her smile shining and her loud laugh blurting out. I'd even noticed her outfit that night. She looked amazing. And I'd used her after actually enjoying time with her.

   For Belle.

  Worst part it was Belle's words that drifted along the edge.

  " It was nice to see you Ro."

   Her voice curled and whined sadly at the end as if begging for more. Begging for more of what we had had once upon a time. 

  I sighed and curled up on my bed, hopelessy. Cora might as well hate me, she might not have shown interest but she still has feelings and emotions. 

  All the events and affects they had on everyone rolled around inside my head until twelve thirty when I knew I needed to get up. My stomach agreed.

 Throwing on sweats, I walked into the kitchen and made myself a sandwich. A peanut butter sandwich, can anyone else say I was too lazy to make anything better?

   The answer was no, not really, but it was true.

For the rest of that saturday, I ignored the texts I got from the guys and everyone else if anyone else had texted me. I sat and watched Televison and playing video games.

  Well actually that only worked until two thirty, then I remembered I am a university student and actually have to get good grades to become something in life.

     Especially for something that was going to pay the expenseives of trying to reach that goal.

  I shrugged on a sweatshirt and slipped on my glasses, vans,and beanie, grabbing my back-pack  and knocking on Mark's door. When he opened I could tell he'd already been studying. Books were sprawled out across his desk, a small lamp glowed into the books with his laptop hunched over. Papers taped to about every inch of wall. His expression read bored and still not satisfied.

     " I'm going to apologize at some point, I'm not a complete dick Mark." I huffed.

  Mark shrugged sheepishly. " Okay,you better" He lightened up a bit, he had faith in me for that.

     " I'm hitting the library, I'll be home later."

He nodded and headed back into his hermit cave. I headed out the door and into my car, driving through the rain was not fun. The library would be easier to think though, get my thoughts caught up straight, muster up some sappy words to heal the wounds I'd placed.

          And maybe catch up on my classes.