My Spiritual Journey

The Real Me

When I was a kid I was often neglected.

I don't hold my parents against this because they both had to work and they were usually tired out from both my siblings by the time I would try to talk to them.

To be fair in a way my siblings were neglected as well.

I felt like I didn't belong in this world. That somehow someone would save me from the isolation.

But at night...it was so magical.

There were times because my family fought a lot or for no reason I would distract myself from what was going on around me.

I would talk to myself a lot.

I would imagine friends when I was by myself.

However my dreams I had my spirit guide.

Her skin is purple and her black hair is really curly. Her eyes yellow. She's thin and her body sculpted beautifully.
During my dreams with her she take me in the Dreamland in the sky and we fight these shadow demons.
She helped me transform into forms of beings and manifest my own powers to defeat the shadow demons.

It was the most exciting to wake up from these dreams.

I never told my family because if I told anyone I was afraid she wouldn't show up anymore.

I nearly forgot about her until I try to write about her in a story. I began to be more curious about her and remembered my childhood dream adventures.

When I was nineteen I started meditating a lot due to my anxiety and depression.
Eighteen was when I found out about Wiccan beliefs.

I knew this religion was popular so I researched it even using some Christian sources because so many people actually try to write Christian books about respecting peoples religions and trying to find similarities.

If only those Christian books got popular.

Anyways, I meditated and found two spirit guides.

The woman from my dreams appeared in my meditation where I made my environment a cabin in the woods with a crackling fire.

She smiled at me and said, " I am so proud of you."
I was confused at first I felt at this time of the meditation I was going no where.
She takes my hands and lifts me off the floor.
"Look at the amazing person you've become. I missed you so much. I am so glad you didn't forget about me."
This made me smile.
"I know you're feeling like you're lost but its going to be okay. I cannot wait to see the amazing person you'll develop to be."
She knew the right things to say and I am so glad I didn't lose her.

I also have a white tiger.
I got to know them more when I tried to calm down from anxiety and I went through a guided anxiety meditation.

The white tiger was the most comfortable tiger to be with. It was like...I had a pet that I could keep secret from my family and it was one of the most wisest animal I have.

I am not fully official in my Wiccan studies but I do say I am Pagan because I believe in nature part of life. Also I believe in a God and a Goddess.

Masculine and Feminine energies. It makes better sense to me about the world.

It is obvious disclaimer that you can just tell me I am crazy and seem to believe in my hallucinations. But what I love is I can make a choice unlike the religion I grew up with telling me one way only to salvation.

People have many paths in life and if Pagan path isn't yours that okay. Its not a big deal if you don't agree with me.

However I wonder how many people are either feeling the way I felt or going through some similarities in their path?

Its been a whole year since I have read and research Wiccan traditions. I hope to continue my journey.

If any of my family members are reading this...understand I am not doing this to be rebellious.
Understand that we all have to go through a spiritual path...you've chosen yours...let me choose mine.

I don't feel lost...
I feel happy to be myself...and i think its more beautiful if I choose my path then say, 'yes' to make people happy...sorry if I broke your hearts...