Supernovas & Escapism

Chapter Seven

     It's hard to escape an image that you've created for yourself. It's even harder when you realize that the very thing dragging you down is the same thing you can't change.

     "I don't wanna talk about it," I told her.

     My aunt, in all of her graces, simply smiled and nodded her head like she understood.

     "That's fine," she said. "I can see it all over your face."

     Were she not the closest thing I had to a friend in this world, I might have snarled at her. I knew I shouldn't have though, and that was the only thing that was stopping me.

     As we drove along, we kept a pattern. She would ask me very open questions about my day, life, or general mood and I would knock her back with one word responses. It was kind of a game for both of us. She won if she got me to say a sentence over three words, and I won if I killed the conversation entirely.

     Most nights she would have let me win. She would give up in that way that made me think that she was only giving up for the sake of letting me win.

     But tonight was different.

     "How's your mom?" she asked, dancing around the subject a little. It wasn't hard to hear the hesitance that resided in her voice. After all, one could not talk about my mother without mentioning my father. And my aunt knew very well what my feelings about him were.

     Judging the looks she gave whenever he was brought up, I could only help but feel that she thought the same way.

     "Fine," I replied dismissively.

     "You have to give me more than that," she insisted as she missed the turn in for my house. My neck must have been craning back pretty far, because the next thing I hear is a small smile in my aunt's throat. "I'm not taking you back home tonight kiddo."

     Immediately I turned to face her, my body aching in pain as it contorted to look on her face. There it was, the perfect no B.S. smile that made my aunt such a great person.

     "Why?"

     It's a harsh question, but it comes out muted and in disarray like most of my life. The sounds barely register to me, which is why I feel the need to maybe ask it one more time. But I know all she is going to do is give me a knowing smile and say the words she always says.

     "Because I know how your father can get sometimes."

     And for a moment I feel betrayed, like she has taken me as someone who cannot defend themselves. That's quickly replaced by gratitude when I realize very quickly that I cannot defend myself.

     There was a time before everything where I tried. I didn't want to be seen as weak, and so would lash out at someone who was much larger than me and could kick my ass from here to Sunday. Now, it just seemed kind of trivial and pointless to raise an issue where there was not one.