After I Left // Phan

10. Sex

Yeah, I guess it is kind of silly to talk about such a thing because it seems like the least important thing but wow, things are so different.

They're such simple things that I never think would even matter but of course, that was before I left.

Aiden was quite gentle the first time but that was only the first time.

Writing it down is so awkward because I'm admiting things you know I would never say but hey, I actually miss topping.

I'm silently laughing to myself because it seems so stupid but Aiden tops now and I mean, it's not bad but I liked being in control.

Aiden was also rough with sex and that was probably the only time he gave me more than one kiss in less than an hour.

There's nothing wrong with rough sex but it wasn't for me.

Not only was he rough but he was quick; do the dirty and do it fast without saying anything. 

After sex, Aiden wouldn't even say good night and fall asleep, leaving me alone to think about everything and that's usually when I think about how odd it feels, how emotionless it was and how much was missing.

Remember our first time?

You wouldn't stop laughing and telling me how innocent I looked topping but I could tell you were nervous.

I think that night we spent more time laughing at absolutely nothing rather than actually even having sex but that was fine by me.

You seem like such a dirty minded boy that liked it hard and rough but when we actually got to bed, you kept telling me to slow as if I would hurt you and I remember placing a kiss on your forehead and assuring you that I wouldn't go hard unless you asked.

Sex with you was always fun because we would laugh way too much and constantly tell each other to shut up, we would share many kisses, it was always full of passion and love and you would always leave hickeys in the most obvious places.

The fun always lasted. After sex, we would cuddle and of course, continue to laugh by making small jokes and talking at night.

We never went to sleep after sex, we would always stay up a few more hours by talking, cuddling, holding hands and me kissing your face.

It was so much fun and hearing you whisper "I love you" as you pulled my body closer to yours was so reassuring and comforting.

After I left, everything changed.