Come Back to Me

Chap 12 (Ashley)

        Little butterflies are moving around in my stomach as Paul drives me to my first therapy session. I try not to look to the back where the box is. The box filled with my memories from over the past four years. I'm scared to look inside. Scared to see how happy I was with a Paul and with friends I don't remember. That's why I'm so worried about this session. I know they're going to make me look at them. 

        I ask if Paul can come into the room with me when the nurse finally calls me in for my appointment. It's agreed that he would be able to help and he follows me inside. Once we make it past the door I feel dizzy and grab his hand for support. I feel him squeeze my hand so I look up at him. He gives me a reassuring smile but I can see more behind it. He just looks so happy from this one small action of mine. It makes me feel even worse that the only reason why I held his hand was so I wouldn't fall down. But of course I'm not going to tell him that. Instead I just smile back up at him.     

     After quick introductions my therapist Mrs. Telmar, who says we should call her Judy  gets started right away. 

      "Alright Ashley can you tell me the last thing you remember?" She asks. 

     I hesitate "The end of my first semester in college." 

      "Any specific memories?"

      "Just that it was a school day... a Thursday i think. I was going to beauty school and classes were pretty much all day. My days seem to blur together." I say and chuckle. "I mean they did.. I guess." 

      "okay and nothing else after that correct?"

     "I mean I sort of remembered the day that I first saw Paul. But he was telling me the story so I think my mind could have just been making it up... I'm not sure and also it hurt my head to think about it."

"That's interesting. So you've been getting headaches?"

"Only my first day home and then when Paul was telling me some stories."

"Its probably just your brain working too hard trying to remember. Keep me and your doctor updated if they get any worse or more frequent." I nod. "Okay! Paul, you said you had some pictures from when she moved to San Diego. Let's start with those."

Paul nods and pulls the box on the table closer to him. My heart starts pounding as I watch him look through and pull out some photos. He hands them to Judy who flips through them before handing them to me. "Examine each one and then place them on the table in front of you. Then we'll have Paul narrate and answer any questions you might have."  My hand shakes as I grab the pictures from her. 

 The first on is easy. Its a car selfie of my Mom and me. I can only assume that we're driving to my new school. Then there is three more. I do as she says and place them out in front of me. "Questions?"

I point at one in a dorm room with me and another girl with our arms wrapped around each other. "Who is she."

"Your roommate and now best friend Eleanor."

"Where is she?" If she was my best friend how come she hasn't come to see me yet? I ask but keep it to myself because it sounds kind of rude.

"South Africa. She got an offer to teach there. Her dream was always to work overseas."

"So that's why she hasn't come to see me?"

"She did... It was before you had woken up. She is" Paul stops himself "was your maid of honor. She was supposed to leave for Africa the next day. She stayed a few extra days though, before the doctors said you were going to be fine. Then I told her she should go because if she didn't they were going to take away the job offer and I knew you wouldn't want that for her. She's actually been texting me non-stop. Saying she's ready to come back for a visit when you're ready to meet her."  I just nod and pick up the picture to get a better look. She looks sweet. In the picture we're hugging and we barely knew each other then. I mean not like that's any different for me now but still.

 I put it back down and look at the rest. Another picture is of just me in front of a building. "That was your dorm building." Paul says as he notices me watching the picture. 

The last one is a selfie of Eleanor and I. Our faces are close together and we're showing off our made up dorm room behind us. I pick it up "I like this one. May I keep it?" I ask quietly still looking at it. 

"Of course. They're yours." Paul responds. 

"Alright," Judy continues, "Why don't we start with some of your guy's relationship?" 

"Can we stay away from those? For now?"

Judy smiles "for now..."  I avoid looking at Paul's face knowing that he must be hurt. 

The rest of the session goes by smoothly. Paul shows me some more pictures of clubs and activities I was involved in. At the end Judy asks Paul if he could step out and she asks me more about my emotional state. I tell her that nothing seems strange or outlandish but that nothing is familiar either. 

Paul doesn't talk as we start heading home, although he still helps me with my seatbelt. To be honest, my bruised ribs don't hurt as much anymore but I still like it. I can't help but think his silence has to do with me rejecting any photos of us together. But I don't want to talk about that yet so I decide to bring up something else. 

"I'd like to meet Eleanor." 

Paul gives me a surprised glance "Really?"

"I mean if we were roommates pretty much the whole time of what I don't remember she probably knows a lot about me. Right? I'm sure I told you a lot but girls always tell there best friends even more. I think she could help. Besides she seems really nice. I'd like to get to know her... again." 

I can see Paul smile although he keeps his eyes on the road. "okay. I'll let her know."