Into the Dark (ORIGINAL AND UNEDITED EDITON)

Three

"Ready?"  I ask.

She isn't teary and doesn't look nervous; she's a sea of perfectly poised calm.  I'm in awe of her.  I feel nervous and teary and she's standing there assured and confident in the knowledge that she's marrying the man she loves and that nothing is going to change that.  

Today I get to live vicariously through two people truly happy and in love. Today I need to push the dull ache of my loss aside.  He's not here.  He should be, I want him to be, but he's not.

Rob looks breathtakingly gorgeous, she always does, but there's something about how she looks today which gives her a kind of aura, as though a warm glowing light is emanating from her every pore.

Happiness and love does that to a person I guess.

Her hair is pinned up loosely with flowers woven into it at random intervals, and some strands free about her face.  Her make-up is light and fresh and her blue eyes bright and sparkling with unchecked emotion. Dan is going to pass out when he sees her.

"Yep, ready.  Bring it on." She smiles before taking a deep breath. "Are you ready?" she asks me, casting her eye over my face and down.  "You look amazing babe. So Stunning.  I'm so glad you're here."  She steps forward and pulls me into a tight hug. 

"Um where else would I be?"  I ask as I pull back to admire her again.   I skim my hand over the pearl drop necklace I loaned her and turn the pearl outwards. It's looks pretty against the soft warm glow of her skin, and it compliments the new pearl earrings Dan bought for her to wear today.  

"Nowhere.  You were always going to be here.  Right here."  She smiles. I feel the tears well up behind my eyes as I smile back at her - happy ones for a change though thank god.

"Damn right I was.  Now let's go get you married." I move round behind her and kneel down, fluffing out the train at the back of her dress. The train is quite short but the lace and button detail looks amazing as I spread it out behind her.

When I stand up, I move to hand her her bouquet, before taking a last look in the mirror at myself.  My bridesmaid dress is gorgeous too; she let me choose it myself because she said she'd approve of whatever I chose.   Rob had decided to have one bridesmaid only; me. Something Leigh had initially been upset about but had eventually understood, I think.   She was now downstairs with her boss - who I really needed to stop calling her boss and call by his actual name, Simon. 

I smooth my hands down and over the skirt of my dress as I inspect myself. The deep green layered chiffon pools at my feet, gathers in at the waist and knots at the top over one shoulder, leaving the other and most of my back bare.   My hair is loose about my shoulders but pinned on one side with a clip and a white orchid and tumbles about my shoulders in soft waves.

I look good I suppose; France has given me a warm glow, not a tan because I never tan, but a healthy complexion and to the casual observer I look well and not heartbroken.  

I pinch my cheeks and dab on some lip gloss before grabbing my bouquet and turning back to her.  She's still smiling, strangely now though, like she's hiding something or like she knows something I don't.  Maybe she can see the future or something and I'm happy in it.  I really hope it's that.

"Okay, let's do this!  Dan babe, I really wish your surname sounded better with Robyn but I love you." She says to the ceiling.

Rob and Dan's wedding party has taken over the whole of Illeam castle; a gorgeous seventeenth century monolith in the middle of the Sussex countryside.  When I drove up to it last night it was the first time I'd seen it and it looked impressive even in the dark.  I only got the full impact of it though when I'd gone for a walk around the grounds to clear my head this morning.  The castle is large and sprawling and is surrounded by an actual moat and hundreds of acres of perfectly kept green.    Apparently it used to belong to a Duke but now it just held weddings and events for those wanting to make a statement.