Save Me Because I Can't Save Myself (Patrick Stump)

Chapter 31

While they discuss what songs they're going to play and in what order. I think about what I'm going to sing. That's if Patrick even brings it up again. Maybe now he doesn't want me to. I don't want to either but if Patrick brings it up, I can't let him down. Just now I can't imagine everyone staring at me, some may know what happened. Some may not. Some may hate me for dating Patrick. He still doesn't know that I know that. I should probably bring it up soon, before I forget.

"Anna, are you okay?" Patrick asks randomly. ''Yeah" I say, my voice sounding small and broken. "Okay well you keep zoning out" He says before going back to what he was talking about with Pete.

Soon the food arrives and everyone goes silent. Hardly anything is said while we eat. "Well it's still early, what are we gonna do for the rest of the day?" Pete asks, sounding not as tired and grumpy as he did earlier. "We could watch a movie or something" Dallon suggests after thinking for a little bit. "Touring is boring" Pete complains. "I mean the in between time" He adds.

Once the food is all gobbled up, we head back to the hotel. Everyone walks ahead, while I trail slowly behind. "Are you sure you're okay?" Patrick asks, starting to get worried about me. "I'm fine" I say for like the millionth time since we've been on this tour. "I know you're lying" He says whispering so nobody else can hear him. I don't reply and continue walking. "We're talking when we get back to the hotel" He says before grabbing my hand and walking back in silence.

"Movie time?" Pete asks once we get back to the hotel. "You guys can go, we're gonna stay back" Patrick says as normal as he can. Pete and Brendon look confused as to why we're not going but the don't ask. I guess they just realise it has something to do with me. "We'll see you guys in a few hours" Pete says before walking off with everyone.

I sigh and unlock the door to mine and Patrick's room. I instantly walk straight towards the bathroom, but I'm stopped by a stressed out Patrick. "What are you doing?" He asks looking very concerned. "Going to the bathroom?" I say, it sounding more like a question. "Can we talk first?" He asks, playing with the sleeves of his cardigan. Slightly avoiding my eye contact. "Not really" I say before turning and walking into the bathroom.

Once I'm done, I walk back into the room. Patrick is now sitting on the bed. I awkwardly walk over and sit somewhere next to him. There's an awkward silence when both of us aren't sure what to say. "Why did you want to talk?" I mumble quietly, wanting the silence to stop. "You've been lying" He says and I look at him confused. "How?" I ask honestly not even sure what I have apparently been lying about.

"You always say you're fine, but you're obviously not" Patrick says seriously. "Oh" Is all I can say. "So how have you been? Be honest" he says while shifting closer towards me and wrapping his arms around my shoulders. "I don't know" I whisper. Which is true. I want to be happy and things to be back to normal but I know that won't happen. I should be sad, since once this concert is over, I'll probably be forced to face my parents again. I just feel empty, normal, fine.

Patrick sighs and turns towards me, so we're face to face. "What's bothering you?" He asks softly, his eyes not leaving from my face. I don't answer. My eyes avoid his. I don't like to see the sadness and disappointment in them. "Tell me what's worrying you?" he says slightly louder this time. I finally look into his eyes. All I see is concern.

I pull Patrick's face close to mine. I kiss him forcefully, wanting his conversation to end. I push him backwards so I'm hovering on top of him and immediately attach my lips back to his. He kisses back, but not as much as I'd want him to.

Patrick eventually pushes me away, stopping me. "Stop Anna, you can't keep doing that and trying end the conversation. I mean I wish we could, but I know we shouldn't" He sighs loudly.

I stand up, almost in tears. "Patrick what's going to happen with us after this tour?" I say, only just holding in tears. "What do you mean?" He asks very confused. "I can't go back to my parents, I can't go back to school. You have a life and me being here.. I'm just getting in your way" I cry, slightly stuttering. Patrick looks at me and doesn't say anything. He quietly stands up and pulls me into his lap.

"You can stay with me Anna, we can find you something to do" He whispers. "I'll just be in your way" I whine. "You're never in my way, I don't know what I'd do without you" Patrick replies, sounding like he's on the verge of crying as well. Instead of replying I just tighten my grip around Patrick.

"You need to tell me things though, when you're sad or you just want a hug" He says looking into my eyes, pleading with me. "I will" I say knowing already that I probably won't.

I sigh and get up from Patrick. I lay down on the bed and stare up at the ceiling. Patrick soon plops down next to me. He kisses me cheek and wraps his arm around my waist. I don't say a word. I close my eyes and hope that everything will change when I wake up.

Maybe just maybe.