All We Are

Ten

*****

"Today, can't even rest when the sun's down. No time, there's not enough, and nobody's watching me now. When we were we'd play, out in the streets just dipped in fate, when we were children we'd say, that we don't know the meaning of fear."- Fear, by OneRepublic

*****

Rose

Fear.

Fear was the only thing I felt right now. My hands were shaking, my lip was trembling, my heart was racing, any moment I expected myself to collapse.

Ryan Marshall, he was my worst fear. He scared the hell out of me. He had such an effect on me.

Who is he, you might ask?

Well, my first day of high school, was the first time I met him. I was an innocent freshman, excited for her first day in the "big leagues." Sarah and I were both excited.

That day I caught his attention. Ryan. He was no one in particular, just like Sarah and I. He wasn't popular, he was just there.

I had a few advanced classes with him, and over time we became good friends. He hung out with me and Sarah. I liked Ryan, I did, just not the way he wanted me to like him. I was still in love with James, and Ryan liked me. It was one hell of a love triangle for sure.

Later on Ryan's feelings became stronger. He liked me, and I knew it. I tried not to lead him on, and I thought I was doing a good job, and I couldn't go to him and confront him about liking him, because nothing was confirmed.

But it was soon enough. Ryan told me he was in love with me. He told me blatantly that he was in love with me. He told me he couldn't bare to be away from me, that he couldn't handle it. He told me that the time he spent away from me was agonizing.

We saw each other every day! It was so creepy. It brings chills just thinking about his speech.

Then he told me that he also couldn't bear seeing me in so much pain over some "asshole jock" named James. He said I was making a joke of myself. That I was a fool if I believed that James could love me. He told me that I belonged to him. That the world wasn't right, if I wasn't with him.

Ryan's whole speech about love was anything but loving. It was just scary.

And then he got violent.

I told him that I couldn't love him, that I didn't love him. I know that nothing sucks more than hearing that the person you love doesn't love you back, but what was I supposed to do? I didn't know how to handle it, I didn't know what to do, and at fifteen, I don't think anyone that age should know what to do in a situation like mine.

When Ryan heard my answer to his speech, he was livid. Merciless.

He hit me. He tried literally "knocking" some sense into me.

He continued his regime for a while. He never hit me mercilessly. They were controlled and rationed. He also never hit me where anyone could see. It continued for a majority of that school year. Maybe five months? Those five months were nothing but sheer pain and fear.

It wasn't until Sarah walked in on me changing in my bathroom, that anyone found out, and that was two months before the end of the school year. She saw a blow on my stomach that was bruised badly.

She went ballistic. I couldn't cover it up in anyway. There were hand print marks on my shoulder where Ryan had previously held me too hard, my stomach was black and blue. Sarah knew it was him immediately. She never believed it was James.