Killer Comedy [PARODY] [Jeff the Killer x Reader] [JTK]

08- Get R3kt M8

Recap: You found out that Je- Edward erased all your memories and he decided to destroy your phone in rage. After calling up your old pal, Hitler, you obtained twentieth century nuclear weapons. A war began as soon as the clock stroke midnight and the sound of a bomb went off in the young vampire's room. MLG. 360 no scope. Bitch.

~Y~

"Ooooh, Jeeeffffff?" you called. "Where aaare youuuu?"

The dim lights in the hallway of your house made it easy to see with your state-of-the-art night vision goggles. You held a boisterous machine gun in your hands and waved it around, pointing it at any sign of movement. Your finger was stuck on the cold trigger and the walls were covered in bullet holes and blood. Just how you liked it.

"COME OUT, YOU FUCKER!" you screamed. "YOU DESERVE THIS!"

Shots fired.

You randomly set off the machine gun in millions of directions while laughing like a maniac. You realized that you were having more fun than you needed to as a girl without memories, but no matter how you put it, you couldn't shake the idea that you, yourself, was a psychopath. Perhaps even more of one than Jeff.

"YOUR ASS DRUGGED ME!"

The rage hit you hard as your head twitched and the white light on the ceiling flickered. You slowly moved down the corridor again and glanced around the corner, hoping to spot your target. You peered into the bathroom and hissed as you saw the slight shake of the shower curtain.

"I found you," you muttered.

And ten thousand bullets were sent flying into the wall behind the bathtub. After chuckling hysterically, you explored the area and screamed at the top of your lungs when you discovered that Jeff was no where to be found. You searched the entire house, for God's sake! Your room, the attic, the kitchen, the bathroom... But you didn't check one place...

Your closet.

Dun dun dun...

You laughed your way up the stairs and bolted into the dirty cave that you called your room. You couldn't believe how much of a pervert Jeff was for hiding in your closet with all your underwear and bras! You could only imagine the filthy scumbag wearing them on his head or cuddling with them in his arms! What a jackass!

You slowly approached the closet as your heart-rate skyrocketed. When you were close enough, you ripped the doors from their hinges and stared down at your arch enemy who was cowering in fear on the floor.

"Do you know what you did?" you asked, your eyes lighting up like a wildfire.

"I didn't m-mean to!" Jeff cried, putting his hand in the air to block the gun. "Please, don't do this!"

You looked like a demon.

Your pupils were as red as a cherry and the only light on your face shone from your eyes as they scavenged the scene with a thirst for blood. Jeff could only see the outline of your figure from the bright backlights above your bed, but he knew that you were outraged. Maybe he even knew what was coming to him! But then again, he isn't that smart...

"Any last words?" you inquired as you cocked the gun.

"(y/n), you have to listen! I- I love you!"

You giggled at his silly attempt to stop you. There was no way you would stop at this point and sacrifice him because of his love. You already had a relationship with food! You didn't need anything else! Just you, food, and a giant fork! Think of all the Nutella!

"I always cared about you! You can't do this!" Jeff cried.

He crawled out from the closet on his hands and knees and stared at you with pleading eyes. You glanced at his attire and started to laugh like a pig again.

"Daaaammmmn, Jeffrey," you chuckled. "Back at it again with the white jacket!"

"Stop messing around! This is serious!" he bickered.

"You mean cereal? Oh wait... I could really go for some cereal right now."

You glanced at the door and contemplated giving up the whole thing and having a late night snack instead. It certainly would be a lot easier to clean up your house if there wasn't a dead body lying around. Plus, you really wanted to know what happened to you. If you killed Jeff, you'd never get your memories back! Well, you already knew more than you were supposed to, but visions of Geishas dancing in your bedroom are not able to tell you what your past is like. Or at least you hoped they aren't.

"Okay, whatever," you sighed, throwing the gun on your bed. "You just came out of the closest so I know that you don't love me, but I'm gonna go get food before I beat the shit outta you and force you to give me my memories back."

And for the rest of the night, you played board games with Je-Edward and ate Nutella during a wonderful fashion show. The two of you tried on all the clothes in your closet and modeled them so that you knew exactly what type of style you were into before you lost your memories. You found lots of studded jackets and piercings in your drawers, so you figured you must have won the record for having the most piercings on your face. Oh, and don't forget all the biker jackets. Yep. You were totally in a gang.

Man, life was good when you had a gay guy around.