Operation: Dard and Devotion

45 | Lonely & Lifeless

I watched in horror as fragments of my heart slowly glided to the floor.

Ahsan's face was torn.

I crouched down, trying to pick up the pieces. I did not even try to stop the tears from falling this time.

Carter lazily turned on his heels to go when Marc appeared out of nowhere, pinning Carter's throat to the wall with his forearm, with Nat closely behind.

"Who the hell do you think you are, you piece of shit!" Marc said through gritted teeth to Carter.

Nat's eyes flickered from me, surrounded by the small pile of photo shreds, to Carter, whose oxygen supply was being forcefully cut off. She gripped Marc's upper arm, trying to yank him off of Carter, but he had stayed put. "Marc! You're suffocating him! Let him go!"

Only after giving me a quick glance, did Marc finally let go of Carter, but not before roughly pushing him out of the way. The latter massaged his throat and hurriedly ran off with the girl clinging to his side, and the crowd dispersed. Marc and Nat swooped down to the floor on either side of me.

"He...he ripped..." I sobbed, allowing Nat to pull me in for a hug.

"Shh," Marc whispered, kneeling down and gathering the photo pieces in a pile. "Let's get you home."

"Don't throw those out," I said, as the three of us stood up. "I want them."

"Uhm, sure." Marc gave Nat a sideways glance before putting all of the pieces into the outer pocket of my bag. The three of us exited the building together and went into Marc's car without a word.

***

Once Marc had reached my house, Nat had invited herself over for the night when she saw that it was empty. My parents were still at work, Hamad was at his dorm, and Hydar had gone out to buy groceries - all according to Hydar's text. Both Marc and Nat were uneasy about me staying home alone after the earlier incident, and so, Marc had driven off and Nat was presently rummaging through my closet for pajamas.

"Hey Hayat, where are your clean towels? I wanna take a quick shower before I change into these," Nat said, holding out a pair of pajamas that I did not know were in my possession. "Then we can forget about assignments and have a movie night!"

Nat's showers were never quick. I gave her a tight-lipped smile as I answered her question. "There's a whole pile of new ones in the bathroom closet."

"Okie dokie!"

I waited until she had locked the bathroom door before racing into my room to retrieve the envelope filled with Ahsan's pictures and running down the stairs. With my book bag still slung over my shoulder, I started up the fireplace in the living room, because it was unbearably cold, and strolled into the kitchen as I waited for the flames to grow. I hesitated in front of one of the cabinets where we normally kept medications. Both my mother and father had a new set of medicines they were required to take after their PTSD relapse and second heart attack, respectively. Because there were so many, my parents had not yet suspected that their daughter was the reason for some missing pills.

...pills that their daughter was taking on purpose, sporadically for the past month, so that she could pave the way to her own death.

I did not know what else to do.

Ideally, our family life was supposed to be patched together after being separated for so long, but it had actually shattered even more than before. Things were falling apart and it was truly my fault even though nobody would dare admit it out loud. A few months back, Hydar told us about a girl he had liked and things were going well between the two of them and between both families, that is, until they came over to visit and saw me. Apparently, the latest bit of gossip was that I had been thrown around among many extremists, that I was presently seeking refuge in my parents' home, and that I was unfit to be called their daughter's sister-in-law.