Almost Sent Over the Edge. Pulled Back?

PUNK GOES CHRISTMAS!!!!!!!!!!! <3

Ronnie's POV

Dammit they just have to fucking practice this! How the hell can I do this if they always practice. And I can't do this if Nikki is here. I'll do it a day I know in advance that she won't be here. I can't have her see me like that. Mrs. P is flipping out. Does she know? She sneaks glances toward me. She can't know. Right? She can't interfere with this. She's one of my favorite teachers ever but she can't interfere with this. Not even Mr. Monroe. I've been so careful not to show signs of me wanting to do this. What am I going to do? Then my inner voice says,

1. Not let Nikki know

2. Calm down they always have to have this drill

3. They can't know you want this

4. You're showing you're zoned and in deep thought.

5. Plan this carefully DON'T write it down on paper or on the computer or it'll be traced back to you.

I nod mentally and try snapping out of this. I finally do and see Nikki making faces at me. I silently laugh and she notices. She smiles. She has such a beautiful smile. How can I just call her beautiful. I've barely talked to her. I barely know her let alone if I have ANY feelings for her. How long has it been? I pull out my iPod touch secretly. I'm glad I turned off the brightness this morning. It's been 5 minutes. Normally they keep up here for 25 minutes. So I pull out my headphones and untangle them once again. I plug them into my iPod and turn my volume really low. I push play and the first song to play is Fiction by Avenged Sevenfold. Nikki points at my headphones so I pass her one.

F>>>>>>>>F>>>>>>>> Nikki's POV

I just can't shake off this feeling from this morning. Why did he tense up and zone out for awhile during the lockdown drill. Could he know someone who did this? Or someone who wants to do this? I can't just go up to him and ask 'Hey you know someone who did or wants to shoot up a school?'. That just gets rid of my chance of having a friend. And at that school everyone is either trying to be assholes or douchebags, or ignoring them and trying hard for school to get the fuck outta here. I don't really blame them. Hell I wanna get outta this house and leave. I wanna go to Pepperdine university over in California. Don't get me wrong I love my mom so much but she is way too strict and she can bitch like a mofo. And so what if I knew I want to go to Pepperdine since I was in 7th grade. It just means I'm serious about my life after high school not like these assholes and douches. I turn toward my clock and it's 12:37 am and I have school tomorrow so I might as well try to go to sleep. Can't be super tired next day. I barely can get 1 cup of coffee and if I'm super tired then I need 3 cups of coffee.

Ronnie's POV

Nikki was acting a little standoffish after the lockdown drill. Before the lock down drill she was smiling and happy but after she was more zoned out and smiling less. She couldn't have figured it out right? Could I have given it away? I can't just go up to her and say 'Now that you know can you be out of school next week on Friday?' because there's always that chance she could've been thinking about something else. Again I have to calm down and NOT let Nikki know about that. Who knows how she'd react. And I don't want her flipping out. Ugh this is gonna be harder to do now that Nikki is here. But damn she's beautiful. I love her smile. When she smiles her eyes seem to smile even wider. Her laugh is music to my ears. She also loves FIR, BVB, MCR, and A7X. But I never heard of BOTDF until this morning. If I'm lucky she'll stay with me. If I'm lucky I'll be able to ask her out. If I'm lucky I'll be able to ask her to be my girlfriend wait. Woah wait. Did I really just say that? How can I just say that? I just met her this morning. I can’t already be saying that. Right? Fuck I can't think straight. Maybe because it's like 1am. Maybe if I go to sleep I can think better in the morning. One can only hope.