Rejected 22 Times

Chapter 19

Chapter 19

My hands were still intertwined with Liam's as we stood on the front step of my porch. Tears began to gloss over my eyes as Liam continued to explain that he was leaving.

"It had always been my plan to go back and audition when I was sixteen. This is my dream", he explained further to me.

I knew that this was Liam's dream. I knew that there was nothing that would stop him from pursuing that dream either. My grip on his hands tightened as if that would be strong enough to keep him here. In a way, I was mad at him. Why did he keep this from me for so long? Why did he ask me out again when he knew that he was leaving? Now tears were brimming my eyes, and although I tried with all my might to hold them back, one tear managed to escape and roll down my face.

"Soph...", Liam mumbled as he pulled me closer to him, bringing me into a tight embrace. "I don't have to go. I can stay if you want", he mumbled into my hair.

I didn't know what to say to him. What could I say? It's not like I could beg him to stay. I didn't want him to go. It was a given that he would advance to the later rounds. He had such a strong, powerful voice, and I knew that he would surely make it onto the show. I just don't think I will be able to let him go. But what about Liam? Here I am, thinking about myself and how I would be able to handle this, when I didn't even think about Liam. This must be hard for him too, right?

I brought my lips to his ear and tried to get the words out but it was barely audible, "I.. I want you to go."

He took a step back and tried to judge my expression, and I could tell that he was confused. Maybe he didn't hear what I had said or maybe he did and wasn't sure if he had heard correctly, but he looked confused. His eyebrows were furrowed and he looked at me as if he was trying to read my expression. "Wh.. But..", he tried to form a complete thought but was obviously very distraught, so I cut him off.

"I want you to go", I told him and this time it was clear what I had said. I took a step towards him and gripped onto the ends of his jacket. One of the buttons suddenly became very fascinating to me, and I began to fiddle with it. "I don't want to be the reason that you gave up on your dreams. I don't want you to look back at this and regret the choice you made", I explained as I kept my focus on the button. Finally, I managed to look up at him, and I could see tears brimming his eyes. "I don't want to be your regret." A tear was about to escape from his eye, so instead of letting me see him cry, he put his arms around me and rested his head on my shoulder. "With a voice like yours... I'm sure you'll make it really far." He hugged me tighter, and I secretly hoped that he would never let go, but he soon pulled away and wiped his eyes before I could see any tears.

He faced me with his red, puffy eyes and asked, "What's going to happen to us?" Not sure how to answer, I sighed and sat down on the step. He did the same, and I turned to face him, but I still didn't know what to say.

"I don't know." He remained silent. "Maybe... this is it."

"What do you mean this is it?"

"Maybe we weren't meant to last." He looked at me in disbelief as if he was surprised at what I had just said. "Maybe--"

"Don't say it. Please."

"But Liam--"

"No! Why are you just giving up like this?" A flash of anger crossed his eyes as he stood up and hovered over me with clenched fists. "Why do you always give up on us so easily?", he roared. In that moment, I was terrified. I was actually frightened by what Liam would do, or what he could do. Suddenly, the anger in his eyes softened out, and he unclenched his fists. He sat back down and sighed. "I'm sorry. Sometimes, I just think that I'm the only one who tries in this relationship."

"What relationship? We've been dating for one day! Besides, I'm not the one leaving." I immediately regretted saying that, and I was about to apologize when Liam started to speak.

"You're right. I am leaving. I guess part of me just hoped that you loved me enough to make me stay."

I scooted closer to him, and placed my hand on top of his. His knuckles were white from clutching the step, and he was hunching his back as if he was trying desperately not to fall apart. I removed my hand from his and began to rub small circles on his back. The tension in his body began to decrease as his shoulders began to relax and his knuckles went back to their original color. "I love you enough to be able to let you go. I love you enough to be able to say 'Goodbye'". He turned his head so that he was looking me in the eyes, but he did not respond. Instead, he pressed his lips firmly to mine. I didn't dare to resist, and so I melted into the kiss.

He pulled away and a smile managed to form on his face. "You know, I don't leave for another two weeks", he told me.

"Liam.. I don't think that I can handle seeing you and knowing that you're going to be leaving soon."

"What are you saying?"

"I'm saying that I don't think I can say goodbye twice."

"Are you breaking up with me?"

"I'm just... letting you go."

He nodded his head as if he was agreeing with me, but he couldn't get himself to actually say it. "Just promise me one thing: that this isn't goodbye. Promise me that this isn't the end."

I knew that I couldn't promise him that. I knew that this probably was it. It was over for us. But I couldn't tell him that. So, instead I said, "I promise."

He stood up, as did I, and we faced each other. I thought that he was going to say something, but he didn't. Instead, he gave me a kiss on the cheek and proceeded to step off of the porch and walk onto the pavement. I turned to open the front door, but I couldn't help myself from looking back at Liam. He had turned back at the same moment, and our eyes met. Both of us were unsure of what to say.

"Goodbye Sophia", he said to me.

"Goodbye Liam", I responded as I opened the door and quickly shut it behind me before he could see me cry.