October 31, 2015

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#4 October 31, 2015

Dear Beautiful Ghost,

This is a night of secrets, of death, and of revelation. I have not written in a while, and I want you to know all of my secrets. After all, you will never truly see them. I was an only child until I was five, and I disliked my brother for a very long time. I can't imagine that you have ever disliked your brother. When I was young, I thought I was better than everyone else. It was not until I started to see people for who they truly are that I realized that I am nothing like them. Normal people do not want to jump out of their own skin or pull out all their hair. I was told it's some kind of anxiety, but I don't believe it. I heard that you are going trick-or-treating tonight with some old friends. I also heard that it's David's turn to be the sheep. Does that make you Little Bo Peep? You know what, I don't even want to know. I have only been trick-or-treating twice. My father is a pastor; we did not believe in Halloween when I was little. When I was little, there were a lot of things I did not believe in. You would be surprised.

Sometimes I hate my friends, and I don't understand why. Does that ever happen to you? Well, I suppose I would not know if it did. I feel like I am always taking care of them, but really it is my own fault. Everything is my fault. It is becoming the time of year where I get depressed. Sometimes, when I watch you smile or talk with your friends, the happiness doesn't quite meet your eyes. I wonder if you're aware of that? You seem sad. I know you lost your grandparents a few months ago. I could never imagine. I made sure that I saw my grandfather on his birthday that week. I almost cried hugging both of my grandparents when I left. I could never imagine. I am running out of words to say. It's almost midnight and, if you're superstitious, then it's when the dead are closest to being human again. That would be a strange feeling. I don't know how I feel about that. I wonder how God feels about that. Does this mean, that if I died tonight, I would come back to life...?

Love,

The Girl with the Hopeless Past

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