Memories Bequeathed

Chapter 10

"Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you"

- Almost Lover

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I honestly don't even know why I am upset with the school. I guess that I am just upset with myself. I think that I had assumed that things would change. I thought that things would get better. In the beginning, I allowed the obnoxious kids to do their thing. I honestly didn't notice that they were mean at all. So, I took their abuse and believed it to be love. I took the pain and believed it was joy. I had thought that things had gotten better when, in fact, they had not. Now, the novelty of the new school and people is wearing off and I see the truth. When there is no novelty, and the shine wears off, what is left of the brand new toy? I'm not too sure, but I know that it's not much.

There's a phrase that everyone is told and knows: "history repeats itself". You've heard it, right? Well, let me tell you something... its wrong. History doesn't repeat itself. It simply does not change. There are some bumps of joy along the way that may be different. But, throughout your life, everything is pretty much the same old crap. Things never change. I mean, why would they? The world is not nice to us. In fact, it truly does not care. I'm actually pretty sure it knows that humans are destroying it, so it somehow works with the powers of the universe to make our lives hell.

Everyday I am look at the people around me and I am reminded of the awful people that I left behind me. But, everyday when I look at the people around, I am reminded of the awful people that I have yet to encounter. They will be so similar to the assholes with me today, but their names will be different. Their appearance will be different. But, they will bear the same horridness. 

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Have you ever heard anyone excited about the fact that they are obnoxious? If you haven't, congratulations, everyone you know is normal. 

"Oh my god," Hailey once screamed to Sophie, "we are so obnoxious!" The two of them locked eyes and just stared at each other, then burst into hysterics. Their giggles burned holes through my ears. 

I just wished it would stop. I wanted them to stop. Some people just don't realize how obnoxious they were. Of course, that was not the case with Hailey and Sophie, but unfortunately they were quite proud of their bitchiness. Pardon my french. I just simply couldn't handle them. I couldn't really handle any of the kids in my school. Why didn't they treat me like everyone else?

The only positive in the school was Ben. Whenever he saw me walking down the hall he would wave, then cup his hand over his mouth and scream hello to me. We often got a lot of stares.

"Over here!" He'd yell.

"Hey! How are you?" He screamed over everyone's heads one day.

I told Sera about him and she called it "literally goals". Unfortunately though we are not "goals". He will always be Al's friend, and I will always be Al's little sister. That's just the way it is.

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I never thought that I would be sad about being alone in high school. As a child, I had thought that teenage relationships were stupid. I thought that they were bound to fail, so they were not worth the effort and heartbreak. I assumed that you should only go into a relationship if it had a chance to work out. To me, that could never be in high school. Yet, here I am in high school, craving a relationship. I want somebody to care for and to care for me. Plus, I witnessed my cousin marry his high school sweetheart, so clearly they are not all failures. But, even then, it is worth the risk. Sometimes we have to risk things to find out, whether we get hurt, or not. I'd be so ecstatic if someone took notice of me... oh well. 

I don't even know what I'm getting at. So yeah...

Being alone sucks. 

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Author's Note

Chapter ten is here! Sorry if it isn't too great, I wasn't exactly sure where I was going with it. Thank you all for reading. 

I want to know what you guys think! What do you think of Hailey and Sophie? What do you think about Ben? What about Sera? Do you like them? Who do you like/dislike the most? Let me know! 

Don't forget to comment and vote. I love you guys. Thanks for reading!

- NerdilyNerdy