twenty two
Hi Mom, it's me.
Luke has never felt his heart beat so fast. He didn't realize one line on his computer screen could make him so scared.
After all this time, I'm too afraid to call you, I'm too afraid to hear your voice.
I figured that I should start this off with all honesty since my lies were the thing that drove us apart.
I'm sorry for all that, by the way. I'm sorry for the last ten years. You gave me everything and I took even more.
Matty tapped Luke on the shoulder, "Listen to this track!" He said, not realizing how loud he was being. He unplugged his headphones, starting the track from the beginning.
The track was an adagio bass riff and Brooklyn drum kit, but Matty somehow made it sound like perfection.
"It sounds good so far, what is it?"
"I don't know yet," he responded with a laugh. Matt plugged his headphones back in, leaving Luke in silence once more.
It's been pretty good up here in New York. Matty and I are married now, we have a kid, too. His name is Nolan, he's one year old. Nolan laughs and giggles more than he breathes. He's an actual ray of sunshine.
Matty is pretty clean now, he's been clean for about eight years. He has mistakes and he slips up, but he's trying so hard. I know he's trying, I know he's putting every single molecule of energy into staying clean. For me, for Nolan, and for himself.
Matt's band went from a crowd of 50 to a crowd of 5,000 in one year. Then 5,000 to 9,000 the following year. They sold out 12,000 here in NYC about a month or so ago and it was the one of the happiest peaks I've ever seen him out (Nolan spoke his first words at that concert, too).
Luke left out the part of his first words being fuck. He still remembers his mother being unimpressed with Luke joking about It's first words being the f bomb.
Their debut album broke America, which means it made it everywhere else, too. That's what gave them that first break in size, then the next was just working hard. Really, really hard.
We live in a high tower apartment with white walls and large windows. We have a cat named Stacy (I'm Stacy's Mom), too. Stacy hates Matty but loves me, so it's okay. She puts up with Nolan and I //swear// she understands not to hit him because he's so tiny.
Cats are so amazing, Mom.
Matty and I are hoping to expand our family more, it's just taking some time. I hope you understand that I miss you and I want you in our lives. I want you and Dad in my life again, I really do.
It's been awful without you. You were my best friend more than my mother and now I don't have either.
Ashton is 13,000 miles away and Michael and I aren't that close, obviously. He and I recently reconnected and we talk, but we aren't really friends.
I think it's okay for my partner to be my best friend, but I don't think he should be my only friend. My baby and my cat don't count as friends, even though I like to pretend they do.
I hope you get back to me soon, I hope you forgive me, too.
I'm sorry I didn't call, I'm sorry I never called.
XO,
Luke Healy
We're half way throuuuuuugh.
How do you think Ms. Hemmings will react?
Thoughts on everything Luke told his mother?
