Jessica vs. The Jerk

03. Bring it on

It's been almost a week and I've made no progress on the Jonah Sullivan challenge.

'Just ask him out.' Mila is squinting at the oval. It's Tuesday, so we're having lunch outside, enjoying the view.

'He doesn't even know who I am!'

Mila shrugs. 'So go talk to him.'

I give her a dark look. 'I tried that.'

'Second time lucky?'

'You suck.' I toss a wasabi pea in her direction and we're both amazed when she catches it in her mouth.

Renie isn't even listening to us. She sighs happily. 'Now this is a beautiful game.'

On Tuesdays, there's an unofficial touch rugby tournament that happens during lunch. The upperclassmen started it last year, and it has since expanded to become a kind of inter-grade rivalry. Today, the juniors are playing shirts, and seniors are playing skins. We watch in appreciation as the second half begins.

'Hey, how come you're not playing?' Renie is on the rep team, so this is her natural habitat.

She scrunches her nose. 'Can't have more than two players on the rep team. I get a bye today.'

There's a lull in play, and Jonah Sullivan subs in.

'Think of his abs, Jessie,' Mila murmurs. 'Think of his abs and be inspired.'

I observe Jonah's bare torso in motion. It really is very inspiring.

'Look,' I finally say, 'I need a plan. And if you guys would just stop ogling the seniors, maybe you can help me? I've never asked a guy out before.'

I finally have Mila's attention. 'You're actually going to ask him out?'

I'm ever so slightly hurt. 'Why not? I'm not completely unappealing!'

Renie laughs. 'I think what she means is you've never had to work at getting guys before. It's going to...broaden your horizons.'

'Wow, thanks a lot.'

'Seriously, Jessie. It's not that easy. The fear of rejection, getting the timing right, not to mention planning the actual date. There's something to be said for blind dates and arranged marriages.' She points a carrot stick at me. 'A blind date doesn't count, by the way.'

Dammit.

Mila sits up suddenly. 'Jessie, have you been on a date?'

'I went bowling with Steve Padilla during break, remember?'

'We were a group of ten, Jessie.'

'You've never been on a couple date?' Renie had her first kiss at age twelve, so we're not even in the same league. I don't know why this is a surprise to her.

'Overprotective dad,' I shrug.

'Your parents divorced five years ago!'

It was the best thing that ever happened to my family, but I can't help flinching when I hear the word. Divorce. When you grow up believing in the sanctity of marriage at all costs, the realisation that your parents are better off without each other punches a significant hole in your world view.

'Maybe I just haven't liked anyone enough to date properly. Anyway, it's not like my crushes ever ask me out.'

'That's because you always crush on unattainable guys.' I look at Renie, startled. She starts counting with her fingers. 'In freshman year, you had a crush on a junior who was here for a semester. You kept hoping he'd be back the next year. In the meantime, you mooned over the basketball team captain who was not only the most popular boy in school, but was practically married to his girlfriend. In sophomore year, you had a crush on a priest --'